CVA - Figuring out What's Next

[Not Much Left]

H
Appa3ently there is more fun going on in TX and CA than I thought!!! Come on!

[Nomopo]

Hi. Bookmarked you (finally).

Nomo

[Not Much Left]

Hey folks

Tough day yesterday. 2 days of no sleep and a cold took me pretty far down physically. Got some sleep though, feeling better this am.

W was super nice to me yesterday, pretty certain the goal in her mind is "good friends" as we get divorced. Her best friend called and asked if we wanted to meet out for dinner with families. Quite frankly I was in no mood to hang out with W and her friend and their family but I went anyway. My attitude more than likely reflected it. Kids were acting up and before my W showed I was not happy. She shows up and first words are "what's wrong"...oh brother...please

I make no convo with her, smile and focus on kids. All this clearly a change I am not just faking and she noticed but I don't care. I am writing this to demostrate to those who might read it that there **is a line** and I have crossed it. It took my W to file but so be it. I don't believe she will ever be what I want.

I am sure a little affect and affirmation Thursday night helped me and I'm glad for that. Not going to dinner anymore, like sunny once told her H, last night was probably the last family dinner I will go to. Very sad, I just have noe desire to keep utting myself in a position that makes me so uncomfortable that it affects my R with my kids. Sure I could go, but at least knowing myself I think is a good step.

Tonight "could" be intersting!?! Gonna hang out with a new friend and her friends, safety in numbers. YES, I will be careful

Thanks for everyones continued thoughts, support, praise and yes 2x4's.

C

[SteveInTN]

Tonight "could" be intersting!?! Gonna hang out with a new friend and her friends, safety in numbers. YES, I will be careful

CVA,

Man it is nice getting attention after all these years, isn't it. Getting confirmation that "hotties" find you attractive and that you aren't going to have a hard time finding someone else that you actually find attractive is definitely a good PMA thing. Enjoy this... BUT...

BE VERY CAREFUL!

Reasons:

1 - Your wife already has a lawyer retained and actively representing her. If she gets wind of anything substantial she might decide to not trust you on working things out between the two of you. Heck, she might even get nasty.

2 - If you go too far with things in too short of a period, you ARE going to lose some of your perspective on things. It will add a new dimension of drama, which you really don't need right now.

3 - You really don't know all that much about this new person yet so don't put too much trust in her handling her relationship with you in a manner that would be in your best interest. To say that you are at a critical juncture is an understatement and you need to have as much control as possible.


So... Enjoy the flirting and definite ego boost that comes with this stuff, but try to control yourself. It's gonna be tough. Someone like this lady is probably pretty anxious to latch on to a 'catch' such as yourself. Understand that, and understand that there is more of that to come as you get farther down the road. There will be a LOT of women just like her that would jump at the chance to have a shot at you. Keep your R with her in check and proper so that you don't have any regrets, additional drama, or unwanted complications.

Steve

[Not Much Left]

What can I say other than thanks, that is PERFECT advice.

Thanks for that, really, thanks I needed it.

[Heimlich]

safety in numbers

Steve's advice IS perfect. Nonetheless, could be lots of fun in numbers too. WOO HOO!

FWIW, I think it's a great idea for you not to take up invites for family dinners. Maybe every once in a while, but not all the time.

BD

[Puddle]

Hey CVA!

Tough day yesterday. 2 days of no sleep and a cold took me pretty far down physically. Got some sleep though, feeling better this am.

I'm glad you're feeling better. All this stuff is so stressful, it's a wonder we're not sick all the time. Take good care of yourself. Hydrate.

W was super nice to me yesterday, pretty certain the goal in her mind is "good friends" as we get divorced.

This is a great change, whatever her motivation is. Were you able to respond in kind?

Quite frankly I was in no mood to hang out with W and her friend and their family but I went anyway. My attitude more than likely reflected it.... I make no convo with her, smile and focus on kids. All this clearly a change I am not just faking and she noticed but I don't care.

Sounds like you did well with the as-if, despite the fact that you didn't want to be there. Good for you, and for focusing on the kids.

I am writing this to demonstrate to those who might read it that there **is a line** and I have crossed it. It took my W to file but so be it.

We all have our line. I'm wondering, though, about this. Sounds like you've decided you're done, but you're still, what? disappointed in W? maybe angry? I'm not sure, but it sounds more like there are some strong emotions mixed up in there that aren't detachment. What do you think?

Sure I could go, but at least knowing myself I think is a good step.

I agree, that's a great step, the knowing what you want/can handle. Pulling yourself back from family interactions is pretty new for you---W hasn't had a chance yet to feel that reality.

Tonight "could" be intersting!?! Gonna hang out with a new friend and her friends, safety in numbers. YES, I will be careful

Good. I hope you have a wonderful time. Steve's advice was right on---especially the legal part. You and W are so very newly on a more positive footing vis-a-vis one another, and maybe still a bit shaky. Maybe keeping that practical part in mind will help keep the, um, emotional side of things in check with someone else. Pleeeenty of time for you yet.

Take care.

[Not Much Left]

Hey H and Puddle

Sittung here watching the Ohio State / Michigan game in my (wait, her) Theater Room thinking I need my place more than ever. Gonna get out the Christmas lights which takes a tremendous amount oif effort and know W won't lift a finger - its for the kids so....and me!

Yes puddle, of xourse you are right, a lot of mixed emotions, mostly death of our family on the holidays. It aint gonna happen (how's that for an educated man), its soooooo remote that anything will change all I do now is pray to let go of those emotions and let go of W.

My new friend pointed out, she is sooooo gone, just let her go. She is right on. Hearing it in person from a doppleganger of my W hit home.

Talk soon
C

[Puddle]

Hey CVA,

I bet that was weird to hear from W's Doppelgaenger! Good reinforcement, though.

What's up now with the new place?

Wait a minute, are you out to dinner with this woman right now? Do tell!

Take care, CVA. Those emotions will go.

[Not Much Left]

Hey Puddle

Don't exactly know why, other than feeling emotionally empty toward my W, but I responded very negatively to her getting angry about me bringing down some christmas decorations. Long story but pretty much broke every rule, except for the fact that I am not beating myself up about it at all and knowing although negative and expressing "my wants and desires multiple times, I responded in a different way than before.

One key pt was I told her if we are going to be friends (which she has never heard from me before) that I "need" more help arounf the house and communication. Yes I know,nort good, oh well.


So no doppleganger tonight, I have this suspicion that although there is an attraction she may be cautious about going out with recently been wounded CVA., well see she should call me tomorrow.