hopefloats...good point...I too knew something was wrong with my H...he wasn't treating me right and was doing some crazy stuff...like many I had no idea it was OUR marriage on the line...it was driving me crazy but I just thought it was stress for him because of a lot of recent stress factors that really hit us financially (loss of job, moving out of home and in with parents, my loss of job)...he kept telling me that it was not us...that he would be with me forever...
I regret not trying harder...and at times I think...no I know...I was selfish...I wanted things better and hated how things were going yet I whined to H to fix things...he was tired..."tired of the work"...
It was an eye opener for me...and a knee buckler for me...and a world crumbler when the bomb hit...but looking at the silver lining it did wake me up...it made me take a hard look at my part...and it made me work on me...
I do honestly feel that I would have chosen counseling if that had been an option...but financially we were strapped...alhtough I did scrape up some money post-bomb for us...but by then it was too late for H to care about our life anymore...our friends...our family...he was DONE...
The good news in all of this though...is while I regret what I did before...I have no regrets (well almost none) about what I did after H left...and because of the changes I made we were able to work things out before the D became final...actually the first D came within a few days of final and I stopped it...only to refile again because H disappeared and wouldn't surface...
Now...after nearly 2 years apart...his A ended...we were able to work things out...reunite...and have been together again for nearly a 1 1/2 years...it has been very HARD...sometimes in piecing it was harder then when he was gone...but it was worth it...
I know for me...so many times I thought my marriage was over for good...H kept telling me he was done....that he had been unhappy for too long and he couldn't love me anymore...I refused to believe all of that in my heart...but went on as if it were true...and now here we are...of course it wasn't a light bulb moment on his part to come home...it was gradual...
And I too see sooooo many of my friends with long term marriages throwing in the towel...it hurts me...it makes me cry so many times when I hear of it....and yes, I do have to say something...although it is usually to the LBS...I tell them not to give up hope...just to give it time and while they are to work on themselves...and take an honest look at how they got where they are...two traveled down that road...one needs to take the lead back to the main road...I chose to take that lead...
Lots of thought here for a Saturday morning....take care...Lin
