This reminds me of a discussion GP and I had a while back. One of the things that fascinates me about GP is that his relationship philosophy is pretty close to the philosophy promoted by Deida but he came at it from a totally different angle through his life experience. We were discussing basic problem solving and the role of the leader.

Mojo: Well, how about the simple example of a situation where we have agreed to go see a movie but we would prefer to see different movies (tomato/tomatah)? I think it wouldn't be good if either of us simply placated the other but I would be happy with the solution that we see one movie this week and the other next week.

GP: I think part of the job of being the leader in a relationship is to come up with good solutions to problems. I would think that you would be unhappy if you had to wait until next week to see your movie so my solution would be that we spend the afternoon at the theater and see both movies.

Mojo: You're right, I do like that solution better. But, really the solution to the problem was simply communicating/realizing that there was a problem.

GP: You are going to make me think that you have no respect for me if you think I am going to let that statement fly. "The solution to the problem is to know that you have a problem." WTF.

Which is why I like GP. I would sit around thinking for a long time about where truth or goodness really exists in the gray fog between "tomato" or "tomatah" and meanwhile he would have gone to the grocery store and bought me a "tomato" and got himself a "tomatah". Problem solved.

Another amusing note on GP's take on the Deida philosophy. We were talking about the problems that result when men are too placating. GP was using different vocabulary but he adopted my use of the word placate and he said "I might choose to placate a woman on Monday if I want to but that doesn't mean that I'm going to placate her on Tuesday and if a woman is so stupid that she thinks it means that I will placate her on Tuesday then I don't need her because a woman that stupid will let the house burn down while you're away."

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver