Same soup...

[Larrynarry]

Wow this woman is special.

So.. she brings D5 home. She has the nerve to say that her and I need to get along and I need to stop being so snippy with her.

I give her her mail and Child Support.. of course she has to wrangle over the amount... goofball.

She opens my fridge (freshly stocked for the D's) and asks if I would mind if she took a gallon of milk. I said "Yes I do!!" she says "Why?" "Because that's for the girls"

Then.. she's rooting around my pantry.. "Do you have any popcorn?" now.. I'm sure she's off to see a movie at somebodies house.. is she freakin kidding? I said "No.. and you can't have my popcorn" she said "Whatever.. I'd give you whatever you wanted" Bite my tongue.. Bite my tongue.. Bite my tongue.

Then.. she goes to the bathroom downstairs.. and LEAVES THE DOOR WIDE OPEN!!!

I shut it.. she got mad and said "Hey!!" I said.. "Close the door.. nobody wants to see that!!"

As she left, she was looking around the house.. tears were in her eyes. She gave me a hug. As she walked off the porch, I locked the door and waited till she was far enough away to shut off the porch light.

So.. how'd I do?

I'm starting to really detach. I really don't find her all that attractive anymore. She's more and more becoming the mother of my kids than anything else. Too bad.

[LL44]

"Close the door.. nobody wants to see that!!"

You are so funny!!!! I close the door now (and shower when he isn't around, although he still comes to find me for the stupidest things...no peep shows for you!), but H leaves them wide open, showers, walks around naked...lovely.....

The tears in her eyes. Sad, but needed. She is seeing things now, you are not at her feet, pulling on her, you are capable of caring for yourself and your children all on your own, and you are moving on. I loved the comment about her appearance ("You look ok"), perfect.

Have a great weekend with your D's.

Came back to say: I think you are handling the phone very well. You are not point blank saying "I don't want to hear about your life, just the girls", but you are sending the message anyway. I think sometimes when we say "I only want to talk about money or the kids", its almost like saying "Look how I have changed...", when we know they aren't supposed to hear stuff like that from us. Make sense?

[Larrynarry]

Thanks lwb.. I couldn't imagine seeing her galavant around the house at this point. Would drive me nuts.

I actually can't wait for the day that she catches me without clothes on.. I've been working out so much she'd probably faint. I don't know what to say to her anymore.

She doesn't know that I'm aware of her profession of love for OM. She's not aware that I know they are going to her parents for Thanksgiving. Not sure how to respond to her. I'd much rather not have to deal with her.. honestly.. it's much easier.

Oh yeah.. my L seems to have caught the message. She called me today to see if I wanted to come in and review the docs. Normally, the docs would've been signed. Maybe parallegal patty would've called. I'm glad to see she's paying attention.

If I have any piece of advice for anyone on these boards, it's to hang out with your family and friends more often. Yeah, it may be a jaded point of view, but it's also your point of view. It's very helpful to have that validated. One of Michelle's rules is to validat the WAS. Well... we need validation too. It won't come from them. It has to come from somewhere.

You guys all rock. I can honestly say I wouldn't be as far as I am without you all. It sucks we are here, but I couldn't imagine being here with a finer group of people.

[LL44]

Well... we need validation too. It won't come from them. It has to come from somewhere.

I fully agree with this. We need to be reminded that we are valued by others. Also that others find us physically attractive.

I also agree with the support on here. I would be so much worse off if I hadn't stumbled onto this site.

PS: Next time W is over, answer the door with your shirt off. Then do that weightlifting trick where you flex and point to something. "The gallon of milk is that way....the popcorn is this way...." LOL!

[Larrynarry]

ROFLMAO!!

That is the funniest thing I've heard all day!!!

"Do you want to know what time it is... let me check my watch!!"

I would have to do the "Randy Macho Man Savage"

"Oh Yeah!!"

[LL44]

Also...next time write out the CS check with her there. Flex one arm holding the check book, and the other with the pen and balance it on your flexing thigh....

I work in an office where EVERY guy works out, so I hear the 'guns' and 'python' comments, and they are constantly 'pointing' things and places out....

[theforlornhope]

Bite my tongue.. Bite my tongue.. Bite my tongue.

You can do this with your eyes closed.

Then.. she goes to the bathroom downstairs.. and LEAVES THE DOOR WIDE OPEN!!!

I shut it.. she got mad and said "Hey!!" I said.. "Close the door.. nobody wants to see that!!"

UUUMMM, perfect. Fire for effect.

She's more and more becoming the mother of my kids than anything else. Too bad.

That's what they asked for. You know how much it hurts us all to say that.... It's killing me. but if that's what they want, we have to give it to them until they decide it isn't what they want.

I really don't find her all that attractive anymore.

I look at my STBXW, and I suddenly don't find her as attractive. Don't get me wrong, she's HOT. Esp with the outfits she wears to work. Businesslike yet 1/8th trampy.

Lately, it just looks trashy. Like crap to me.

She used to really turn me on. Not anymore.


This SUCKS.

You are doing GREAT though!!!

Let her wonder in the dark.

HMMMMM.....

[RedHeadWife]

Hey, Jar, always reading up on how you are doing. I must say you are doing really well. I know it still all sucks and I know how the feelings of not caring and then caring too much go back & forth, but you are doing really well!

I still just don't get her. She truly just wants to be single girl again, but deep down knows what she's doing is so wrong and is still in love w/ you. I sure hope that you are not totally "gone" by the time she wakes up & figures out that her family is what she wants & is what is the most important thing in her life.

[Larrynarry]

Thanks again all....

Quick update. W picks D5 up for the second part of their class. No big deal.. W calls an hour later saying D5 wants to come home because she's not feeling well. Get D5 home and she's just fine.

W calls to check on D5 and is a little upset that D5 is just fine. Says she wants to stop by and see the D's.

So W stops by and she's talking about how the class was good and we need to talk about how to talk to D's. I think we've done just fine.. not sure what she's thinking.
W goes upstairs to get some shoes and stuff from the closet.
Comes downstairs and is ready to go.. she says "come here girls I want kisses" makes a big dramatic deal about giving the girls kisses and then says "You want one too?" and starts towards me.

I back up a little and chuckle and say "That's OK"

Talk about shock... she said "I was serious" I said "That's OK"

Went out front to rake leaves with D's.. W asks what's up with me.. why I didn't want a friendly kiss. I shrugged her off.. she asks if I'm seeing someone.. I said "Does it really matter?" She smiled like that was the reason.. so I let it go.

I said "It's because you have a BF that you love" She stopped cold.. "Excuse me?" I said "Yeah.. I know you tell him you love him... I also know that he's going to your folks for Thanksgiving and they were just over their house" She says "I can't believe you are pumping the D's for info." I said "I didn't ask.. D5 brought it up!!" She said "Well.. they won't be there.. who are you going to believe me or D5"

DUH!!! I said "D5!!" she got all mad and made a deal "I can't believe you'd believe her over me.." "well... D5 hasn't lied to me.. you've lied alot!!"

That was pretty much it.. she walked off all ticked saying she wasn't going to fight (hey.. I wasn't the one who wanted a kiss and then wouldn't let it go!!)

Anyway... another day another dollar!!

[theforlornhope]

UDAMANNNN!!!!

Not letting her eat cake with the kiss,

Not letting her drag you into a big confrontation,

Letting her know that she's burning her bridges.