More complicated than I imagined...

[Dr LOve]

Ok MCC,

Sorry it took so long. But was busy doing my thing and wrestling with my demons a little after work.

Well last night was a downer, a big one. Found out (confirmed) W is up to old antics of pushing for a R with someone new online. I know this guy and he has insisted he is not interested but he has not had the b@lls to make her stop.

She has told him that she is ready to move on, to start dating, to go and "get some". She is in a "drought" and feeling randy. Wonderful.

She said she might even break down and get some from me...

Ok how did you "find out"?? I hope it was not snooping. Yes if she is YOU CAN NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. So why snoop. How it make you feel?? "Well last night was a downer, a big one."

How were you feeling before?? "Yesterday was definitely an occassion for manning up. And hell, it felt good"

This is not about her big guy it's about YOU.
If you were snooping STOP. It only affects your PMA which inurn affects the way you will react to the W.

Man oh man. I thought things were going pretty well. It's as if she's leading a double life. The one when she's 'here' in the real world seems almost perfect. So close to feeling like husband and wife. Then she gets online and goes alien on me.

Ok she is somewhere else right now. Dude I am not an expert. I have been doing this since April 12th. My W was a "alien for the first 4 months... She would not look at me. I don't think she would have woke me up if the house caught on fire. We went away on our anniversary with our son and she slept in another room did I do?? I just did not let her behavior affect me. I even cooked some Snails (Yuck) for dinner (her favor ate and ate some. (barf).
I gave her a card and a necklace. What did she do in return you might ask? NOTHING and ya know what? that was fine with me because I was not expecting anything. That was 4 months ago. I know you have heard this before but ya need to let go big guy.
You said "she" 3 times in that last statement. You seem to be concentrating on "she" you need to concentrate on "YOU"

She was sick all day yesterday and, as I would normally, I helped a bit more with things around the house and with the kids and even with her - just helping to provide comfort. That comfort part is what really kills me. She asked me to work upstairs again and I did. She asked me to pick her up a snack when I was running out to the store, and I did. She asked me drop off and pick up the kids, and I did. These aren't things that I considered out of the ordinary and they didn't seem to be counter-productive to what I've been trying to do. She's sick, she asked and I helped.

This is great. I see no worries here. she was physically sick. Yes you can help her in this area. It's the mental area that she needs to get help herself.
Part of not being a "nice guy" does not mean becoming a jerk.
you did well here.

She has also been sleeping in the bed again, until last night anyway.

You have progressed farther than I have in 7 months.
way to go...

So our discussion last night ended with me telling her that I allowed myself to feel we were getting closer again. That I was suckered into making her life comfortable again. I told her that I would appreciate it if every time she asks me to do something she end the request with "...and I still want a D"

"M, can you pick up some potato chips? I still want a D"
"M, couldn't you work from upstairs today? Oh, I still want that D"
"M, can you help me with the computer? Yeah, I still want a D"

Ok I don't know if you are joking or not here. I don't know how I feel about this if you are not. There are two ways of going about our sitches that I have found. there is the straight out attack. Remarks, demands, statements like above
and there is a patch up and repair method. (this is my own opinion by the way) I have tried both.

I am now in the patch up and repair mode. I need to get my marriage back to a place that It can be worked on. It is like a car with a hole in the tire. You can do nothing about it and keep putting air in and cussing when it goes flat or you can patch it until you can get back home and fix it in the right environment.

Apparently I'm too thick headed to remember that she is manipulative and will do just about anything to make sure the next 2 years here work in her favor and hers alone.

Ok my turn YOU BONE HEAD. There are you happy? Why are you putting yourself down? Does your wife need help with this also?
let her live in her little box. you need to start living outside this box. Have a good time. Do things with the kids. trust me sooner or latter she is going to start peeking out side to see what she is missing.

I have all of next week off (we were supposed to go to NC but cancelled it due to her father's health). So I have 9 days ahead of me where I'm going to need full-time GAL.

Dude, I was stuck for six weeks at home with a hernia operation. don't tell me you can't handle 1.
Get out big guy. go places. see things. What really works well is if W does not want to go and you take the kids out for some fun take pictures. Let the W see what she is missing.

To say I'm crushed may be an overstatement but I am definitely disappointed. I'm disappointed in myself and once again in my wife's childish behavior. Since everything seems to be starting all over again, I'm taking what I've learned over the past 2 and half months and letting that direct my actions. I am not a door mat. I am not her friend. I am a good, loving, supportive man and father. I cannot add "husband" to that list because that job has been suspended.

Ok now the above you have nobody to blame but yourself. NOBODY can make you feel anyway you don't ALOW yourself to feel. This takes allot of work. I can send ya some stuff on this or you can get the e book (I can't figure out how to forward it)

Hey ya got my E-mail USE IT. Vent to me. I have my bad days. But not as many anymore.

Stay strong buddy. I hope this did not sound like a lecture it was not meant to be. it is how I looked at the situation.

Your partner in crime

H