NoDirection, I really do understand what you are saying, your sitch sounds to be mirroring mine. She told me the same thing she was only with me for the kids, but also would say I ought to just leave and you can have the kids.
She was living the same double life, acting like everything is fine between us, when the kids were around, all the while starting to alienate us all.
The truth is my W and it sounds like yours as well, are searching for something they thinks they want, and that is anything but what she has with you. Sad fact is that while in that frame of mind they are really being selfish to what is best for the children, and that is having both parents. In this ignorant society with so many so called experts saying that children are much more resourceful then we give them credit for, D is so acceptable, to me that is a load of garbage. Children need to feel that they are secure, and that both parents love them equally. When one parent acts so selfishly, they will see it, and blame that parent, this doesn't mean that they don't love the parent, but their relationship will be forever tarnished.
I speak from experience on that one, I am a child of D, and for so long I blamed my dad for all of it, because in my eyes he was the one that was being selfish, he wanted someone other than my mom and our family. It was only through my C, that I have been able to forgive him, and start to form a new relationship with him. I never wanted my kids to feel like that, but it seems like the lines have already been drawn especially between my DD11 and wife. I know that your son is young, but it can happen, later in life.
Until she is ready to open her eyes, be a real mother to your son she will not see all the harm she is doing.
You have to do what is best for your child, it sounds like you are the only one who is, at this point, I commend you for it. Continue to build that relationship with your son, let your W do whatever, now that I think about it, I apologize, I think it would be best not to have any kind of R talk with her, no talking about how things are good/ how things are bad, at this point, it will be useless. Take time to calm down, I don't mean like tomorrow or the next day, I mean take a lot of time, don't approach her in anyway, let her come to you, openly and sincerely. And still I would avoid all R talk, until you talk with a C, or a DB'ing coach.
Meanwhile, take this time to work on you, I know it is hard, but you need to detach, take the focus off of her, and saving the M, put the focus on you, do what you can do for you. I don't know if I gave you the detaching link, but if I did, go back and read it, and then read it again and again, it will help. let me know if you don't have it, I will find it, and give it to you.
You are strong, stay in the Lord, you are in my prayers, Take care.
Rain, Thank you very much for the words of encouragement. As I think about the whole sitch, I can see teh benefits of having both of us there. But the problem is, is that she is not there. Even last night she took our son out with her to watch MNF. She did not come home until 12:45 in the morning. But yet she says our S is her top priority.
The effects on her R with our son are already evident. She came home from a weekend away and all my S did when she came home was smile at her. Everyday when I get home from work I hear him running to the door. She knows that our son would rather be with me. I also see the relationship getting worse as time goes on.
As I think about this whole mess and what our son sees, the idea of D has become a viable option. I pray that God's will be done in all of this but her free will to do things on her terms is breaking us up. I have come to a point that even if we were to work it out, do I really want to go back to the relationship we had? She is not going to change her ways. She is not going to do things any differently than before. Why should I go back to that?
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
NoDirection, I agree with you, and I feel the same way, after last night's C'ing session, I came back and posted a comment on my thread about this same thing.
I know that you don't want or need the same R, because you know that it can't work that way, with you doing all the work, and W just doing whatever, and not caring about the ramifications of her actions.
The only way things will work, is for both of you to change, and you are doing your part, now it is up to her, you are being the strong one, keep doing that. Let W go her own way. Let God decide whether your paths are meant to be one. Take care.
The more I let it go, the more is shown to that this may not be the path I am meant to go down. As I look at the person even before all of the trouble, I am turned away even more.
Part of me wants to go back, even now. I honestly do not think that is in the cards. Her will is to be elsewhere. All I can get out of it is time with my S. I am making the most of that and doing what I can to improve myself...
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
NoDirection, Sometimes, that is all you can do. Letting go is hard, but necessary, I know how you feel, I look back at things myself, and feel like my W is now, not the person that I thought she was. It's a harsh reality for sure, but people change, sometimes for the worst. I know that you will find your way, Take care.
thanks...I have a good group of friends and family around to help me get through all of this. Part of me is dreading the inevitable but another part of me is excited to begin moving forward...
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
NoDirection, I am glad to hear that you have support, from your family and friends. It always help to have someone you can talk to in person.
As far as dread and excitement, it's weird how on this roller-coaster ride, those two go hand in hand? I compare to being a kid again, and just making your way out into the real world. It is both scary and exciting, wondering where your path will take you. All I can say is keep trusting in God, and I know that you will find the right path. Take care.
The more I look at things, the more I see that we may not be the right people for each other. My biggest problem now is that our S is suffering because of her displeasure for me.
As soon as I get home, she is trying to leave. If she does not leave, she does not want anything to do with me. When she leaves, she rarely comes home before 11 at night. She takes our son out and he lets him go to sleep wherever he falls so she can stay out later.
She has made it very clear through her actions that she does not want to be a W to me. She rarely wants to be a M to our son. She has so many things that she needs to work out and has not started to do any of it except place the blame on me. I do not now if I can stay in it anymore...
Me=29 WAW=25 S=2 "I need a break" = 6/07 Filed = 12/07
