Burg, I didn't think the "dating younger women" part was mean. I thought that making that comment in the context of discussing viagra and other virility-enhancing products was mean. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive to the impotence issue-- or the "implied impotence" issue.
It seemed to me that what Mojo was saying is that "yeah, he has a hard time getting it up, but instead of taking any pills, he just dates younger women."
If the "dating younger women" comment had been in the context of other age-related issues (e.g., the taste of someone older vs. someone younger) like music or cars, then I wouldn't have thought it was mean. It was the proximity to his hypothetical sexual performance that bugged me AND the fact that she said this to another man, a stranger.
If they had been ALONE, I also would have not found it offensive, i.e. "You don't need any of those pills, babe, just keep dating younger women, and you'll be fine." [followed by a tongue kiss]
I'll get to the "homeless" issue later. (BTW, I wanted to say (((ouch))) about the broken ankle. I'm not suggesting that you should cut your BF any slack but you might remember that Type 7s are only good "nurses" in "Heidi dragging sick Clara out into the sunshine" mode". However, that's no excuse for surly behavior. I would have brought you treats and some really decadent high-gloss magazines before I skedaddled right out of your sickroom.)
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It seemed to me that what Mojo was saying is that "yeah, he has a hard time getting it up, but instead of taking any pills, he just dates younger women."
That's not at all what I was saying. I should explain the context better. For some reason, I look pretty hot lately. So GP was being kind of mean/braggy to the other "old" guy who wasn't in as good shape as him by joking around the way he was. Although, as I indicated in my last post, GP likes things slo-mo psychologically sexually, he has the opposite of erectile dysfunction/endowment issues. He's easily aroused (Trust me.It's quite obvious)but he just likes to draw-out the arousal because he has the personality type of someone who would like to slow dance all night or something like that so he knew I wasn't really saying that I thought that he had difficulties. Also, it's kind of a running joke with us that his doctor told him that dating younger women would keep him young...but only if he f*cks them. Also, he always says stuff like still being sexual when he is 90 is one of his major life goals. A goal which I, of course, support.
I told him upfront that my only issues with dating older men would be that I will not date anyone who will not attempt a three hour hike over sand dunes or refuse to go to a robot music show because it might be "too noisy".
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
You missed MY point: I'm not suggesting he HAS any impotence issues. I totally believe you when you say he is aroused easily and it's obvious. My issues was in joking about this in front of another man, a stranger. As I said in my post to Burg, joking about this privately doesn't bother me.
I'm trying to think of a parallel sitch: let's say you and GP were out at the drugstore and you happened to be standing next to another woman, a stranger. On the shelf were "bust-enhancemant" products. The woman, who was flat chested, makes the comment to the ether that she wonders if these products work. GP says with a wink and a side glance at your chest, "Who cares? I've got stock in several silicone companies."
I'm not sure that's exactly parallel, because small-chestedness isn't as sensitive an issue as impotence in a man over 40... but it was the fact that you joked about a universally sensitive male zone in front of a man neither of you knew.
You can tell I'm stuck at home with nothing to do... time for those l-o-n-g nit-picky posts.
Anyway, I thought your original comments on this question were very insightful.
I'm trying to think of a parallel sitch: let's say you and GP were out at the drugstore and you happened to be standing next to another woman, a stranger. On the shelf were "bust-enhancemant" products. The woman, who was flat chested, makes the comment to the ether that she wonders if these products work. GP says with a wink and a side glance at your chest, "Who cares? I've got stock in several silicone companies."
It would be more analogous if the other woman was a moderately/modestly chested salesperson and I started joking about how I didn't need bust enhancement products in front of her and then GP made some comment like "Yeah, but you rely on me to buy you all those super underwire support bras." Which I suppose I wouldn't find terribly validating but I wouldn't be too bothered by it either.
Anyways, this is a bad analogy because GP is much more responsive to the lower ratio of female gynoid fat distribution. Since I'm Polish and I work out a lot, I'm pretty much as close as you can get to a white girl with black girl booty which is a look which has gained quite a bit of popularity/social acceptability since I was last on the dating scene in 1987. By making a human guinea pig of myself I have determined that the scientific studies that indicate that base male sexual response is pretty much directly linked to gynoid fat distribution ratios are completely valid. Of course, there are individual variations and cultural values attached to other characteristics and this has nothing to do with the reality of being loved for one's pilgrim soul etc. So, although I am generally only reasonably attractive, I am lucky to have a good gynoid fat distribution overall since I like to be around men who are sexually aroused. I think most/many women make an error in judgment in terms of dealing with the loss of estrogen leading to reduction of gynoid fat ratio as they age by choosing to lose weight. Of course, losing weight will always improve your "attractiveness" for the simple reason that 20/30 is a smaller fraction than 30/40, however, this method of fighting estrogen-loss-ration-deterioration fails to take into account the fact that as men age their vision and other senses deteriorate as does their sexual responsiveness so if you are an older woman trying to "attract" older men, IMO, you are better off doing weight-training to keep yourself big and curvy so that the old guys can still "see" you. Of course, since I am only 42, I also attract some of the younger hip-hop generation kids and that's okay too.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
My example was closer to the point I was making, namely, don't joke in public with another man, especially a stranger, about your current 50+ lover's ability to get an erection.
As I've said numerous times, there is no good analogy in the context of a woman's sense of her sexual self to a man's ability to have or not have an erection-- to the link between his penis's functioning and his sense of being a sexual person. None.
No doubt your remark did not undermine anything in him, but I wonder if some teeny percent of him now does not trust you. Kind of like I read on another thread somewhere that a woman ONE TIME made a slight negative remark about the flowers her husband gave her and he never gave her flowers again.
Frankly, I think you owe him an apology for that remark.
Like I said, I have nothing else to do today except run other people's lives. I don't have any ice in my house, so I have piled on my foot a plastic bag full of smaller Ziploc plastic bags full of frozen tomato puree. That should go nicely with the leek soup that has now dried into a brown swatch on my carpet. Bf has called me several times, but each time he has had to go because his mom has called him. She's in the hospital, having had a biopsy on her spine today, and she's having her second chemo tomorrow. The only fun I get to have is telling you how to live your life. Time to put the tomato puree back in the freezer for a while.
No doubt your remark did not undermine anything in him, but I wonder if some teeny percent of him now does not trust you. Kind of like I read on another thread somewhere that a woman ONE TIME made a slight negative remark about the flowers her husband gave her and he never gave her flowers again.
Frankly, I think you owe him an apology for that remark.
Actually, I did apologize to him right after the fact and I made it clear that I felt sorry for the other guy because he was clearly too out-of-shape to be working in a vitamin store and probably needed the stuff etc. Really I am a very sexually validating person to be in a relationship with. For example, not too long after the vitamin store incident we were having sex while his son was distracted with video games in the basement and afterwards I said mock crankily "I was trying to be quiet but you made me scream. I hope you are proud of yourself. Probably you should go check and see if your son thinks you murdered me."
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Like I said, I'm VERY (perhaps hyper-) sensitive to the whole male-virility-erection-impotence thing. Would that it were not so. I wish I didn't know the first thing about it.
Burg, I'll run this past you again when you're 52.
