Update: I want to Salavage my Marriage

[Heimlich]

Hang in there Chris.

She's being kinder and nicer to you. Stay focused on that. At the same time, we all have different breaking points with this. If an A is it for you, start thinking about that now. If it is, and you find that she is seeing someone else (don't assume, don't snoop, etc.) move on along. If a A isn't a deal breaker for you, then keep DBing your booty off. Keep up the behaviors that have gotten her to be kinder towards you. Don't begin to act cold or distant, assume that she is being truthful, otherwise it may become a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Final thought, if she does end up having an A. That's HER decision. That guilt is on her. Don't blame yourself.

BD

[PhD_ChrisD]

Hey Heim, All,

Yes, an A would definately be the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I cannot assume that is what is happeneing. It is strange that some guy and her would be phone chatting and texting if there was not something going on, however. I think for now, I will just ignore it and keep on the DB program.

You are right, if she does do it, the guilt is on her. For now, I am just going to put it out of my mind. We are making progress in other areas, so I am going to focus on the good.

Thanks to everyone for their words of encouragement.

Best,
--Chris

[PhD_ChrisD]

Hi All,

No big changes in my sitch. Wife is being nicer and "says" she is getting tired of going out all the time, etc. However, I have heard that song and dance before. I always agree and try to act positive and supportive, but I sure don't buy it.

One very cool thing that has transpired is that she reactivated her old yahoo IM account. We now chat back and forth a lot during the day just like we did in old times (kind of romantic actually). I suppose any (civil) communications is a positive step and sure beats that myspace crap she was pulling in July. Anyway, my yahoo ID is: PhD_ChrisD is anyone wants to IM me.

Best,
--Chris

[PhD_ChrisD]

Hi All,

I thought I would post an update for those who are following this sitch.

We went to a new MC on Tuesday and W liked her a lot. Many things came out during the session, but the main thing is that both of us do not think it is too late for our M and we will continue to work on things. We are far, far from being anywhere near normal, but this seemed a significant step towards reconcilliation. MC then recommended her husband as future MC as he is affialted with my work and would not cost us anything. We will see him on Tuesday at 11:30.

So, things look better. MC gave us both "homework" so that we can improve our R. Other pieces of my GAL need some tune-up, so I have a lot of work to do.

Best,

--Chris

[Heimlich]

Chris,

That's great, great news. So very happy for you. You're not there, but at least there's a good reason to hope.

BD

[PhD_ChrisD]

Heya Heim,

Yes, I have lots to be thankful for these days. She is going to go to church with me and the kids on Sunday. Yesterday we talked about getting her a new wedding ring!!!! She wants a band.

Anway, I don't want to push her. So the next few days, I am gonna be cool, not around a whole lot, helpful husband, helping the kids and playing T-Rex and spiderman a lot: and no R talk, wedding talk or any of that stuff. Quite frankly, I am tired of it too!

Best,
--Chris

[SteveInTN]

That's awesome Chris! Man, it is great to finally hear some good news around here. Seems most of it has been bad here of late.

Play this one smart!!!

Steve

[NikB]

Great news!!!

Don't let anything slide.. don't stay panicked, but keep that sense of urgency. I think it's the key.

[PhD_ChrisD]

Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement. I am a long way from being out of the woods, but things seem pretty good for the most part. At least a lot better than they were.

Best,
--Chris

[PhD_ChrisD]

Hi All,

Things are going well here, but not perfect. We have a counselor that we both like and he comes highly recommended. Even better is the fact that it this counselor is provided free of charge through my place of employment. That is a real blessing.

My W wants a "good Christmas" as she puts it. She tells me and the C that she is committed to making our marraige work. She also wants to start wearing her wedding ring again on our anniversary (05 DEC).

The only bad news to report is that she is still drinking pretty hard. She stays out all night drunk once or twice a week. I do not like that at all. It is also pretty hard on our children to wake up and mommy not be here at home. I am just not sure how to deal with all that. I don't want to be controlling, yet I don't like her actions. My only hope (at this point) is that she will just get all that out of her system and stop. I am not sure I can put up with a lifetime of being married to a bar fly.

Best,
--Chris