Help me thru this sitch

[Pudmuddle]

Thanks Puddle.

It's hard to keep this going, as we all know, but it does seem to get slightly easier each time to not react to it. Not reacting impulsively also increases my mood because I feel like I am under control.

Good stuff.

[DownNotOut...yet]

Hi,
Your wish is my command. I have been reading your sitch every day. I just re-read the whole thing again to make sure I am current. I have no humor to offer at this time but I do have some observations...

I have not posted to you in a while because it seemed you were moving along pretty well. This stuff takes time but your sitch seems to absolutely be improving. I have not read anymore about divorce or separation in any of your more recent posts. You sound better, he sounds better. Seems like you are baby-steppin' along pretty well. Perhaps I should say hi more often just so you know you have the support.

I think the thing for you that seems to really be working, is being playful and flirty, stuff like going to watch the dirtbikes. Those are things that you used to do when things were good. Try to think of, act like and do the good things that were happening when your relationship was more sparkly. FUN! Make you and the R fun. If it ain't fun, why would he want to be in it. Reading your posts, he seems to really respond when you are fun/silly/sexy. This really helped lure my wife back in. Whenever I can make it feel like the old days, she starts to act like the old days.

You mentioned that he is mirroring your actions. Michele says if you want to change the other person, change yourself. That is what I think is happening with youz guys (awesome!).

BTW, in print, you seem sexy as h e double hockey stick. You DO seem like you know how to flirt. This may be out of line, but one or two of your posts put little thought bubbles above my head. It's working for me. It HAS to be working for him.

[Pudmuddle]

DNOy,

Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. I do appreciate your feedback because you do seem to be wise about all this, and in general, and funny. Two pluses in my book!

It does seem like we are baby-steppin' but I am still scared out of shoes about what is coming next.

I think you have totally made my day. Thank you for noticing. I do believe I will not have to post here for at least 3 weeks now because I feel so good.

Thanks for your support!

[Heimlich]

BTW, in print, you seem sexy as h e double hockey stick.

Dude, I'm still trying to recover from the candy corn comment from a few days ago. Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Cold shower time.

PM, I got nothing except that you sound great. Especially your exchange yesterday/this morning. Sigh, I miss seeing panties. Keep that self-control going.

BD

[Pudmuddle]

Thanks Heimy. You guys are funny. LOL. Glad I could provide something for the deprived.

A GREAT UPDATE:

This is so awesome. We had a breakthrough tonight. My H came home from work and he seemed bothered by something. I am still shaking because this is so AWESOME. Ok, I'll get to it now.

I was asking him how work was, and he kept saying it was ok. But something was bothering him. So I said is it something at work? something bad happen? And then he bursts out with "I just can't believe you are going out tomorrow night". Me shocked. Ok, wait this is the guy who wants to be with OW. Hmmm. So I say "Ok, why is that bothering you".

He: Because it seems like you are going out and having fun, when I had asked you to go before and you wouldn't.

Me: Well, yeah, I need to get a life too. And you are going out too, so why is it wrong for me.

He: Yeah, I realize that's very hypocritical...

Then he literally GUSHED about all the things that have been bothering him in our R, I sat back and watched the show. Kind of like watching fireworks! I agreed with him about how I had not treated him with respect, how I had let him down as a wife, etc, how I had not been there as a friend. I just listened and validated everything he said. He then proceeded to tell me that the sex with OW was not that important it was the respect factor she was giving him<--(This is what the book says and now I believe it!!) We talked about what was really important to him to make him feel loved and what was important to me to make me feel loved. He also said he is in a really bad place in his life and he doesn't want to be there anymore. He also said he had really seen the good changes in me and that he admired that. I told him I hadn't been good to him for so long and I no longer wanted to be that person.

Oh my gosh, you guys this was so awesome to watch this unfolding right before my eyes. I was on cloud nine. I couldn't wait to come in here and share this wonderful news! I know it's not over yet, but this is such an awesome breakthrough. And as gushing as I am here, I still did not show that to him, I remained calm.

He got up and we held each other for about 5 minutes.

He: We still have lot of talking to do don't we?

Me: Yes

He: But it's going to take awhile for me to change

Me: It's ok, I will be here for you. Changes do take a long time to break.

Then he proceeded to tell me how awful he felt for reading my journal and only picking out the nasty things. He said he was sure there were many good things too, that he had refused to see.

And here's a better part...He is actually helping a friend move some stuff in his house!!! He is not seeing OW tonight!!! This is so amazing.

I am sharing my pure JOY here so that I won't overdo it with him and set us back. But thank you all for sharing this great news!!

[lushmd]

Wow PM, that's truly awesome! Congratulations (and feel free to share your secret tips...so envious...).

[craig54]

AWESOME PUD AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TAKE IT SLOWLY

[bhopeful]

Wow PM. This is a great breakthrough. Way to play it cool and validate when he was pouring it all out to you. It goes to show that patience really is the name of the game. You never can tell when they'll peek out from behind the walls they've built up.

Keep us posted on your progress. We can all use a positive story here.

[JennyF]

WOW WOW WOW!!
I could not be any happier for you. This is a huge step in the right direction! I've read a lot of stuff on these boards and it still never ceases to amaze me just how 'textbook' each of our stories are. Knowing these tecniques work gives me so much motivation to keep at it!

Good for you for keeping your cool and for validating what he said.

You rock!
J~

[lizzy]

PM I'm so happy for you. I haven't been by to see you for a few days and it looks like I missed a lot. Sounds like you will have an awesome weekend. Enjoy yourself tonight! Thanks for sharing your joy.