Hmmm... this ties in nicely with your post on my Gratitude thread, hairdog... I need the proverbial straw to go with my curative iced drink.
Get rid of the straw and chug it the IC way {sigh...man I miss beer} Any thoughts from anyone on mixing chemo and beer? Calling Doctor RJ, do you copy? {sigh again...man I miss beer}
SEEw22 Corri is giving you good advice. If you don't understand her advice, please try to till it makes sense. She has BTDT on both ends of the sex drive scale and dealt with abuse.
And if your fiancée were here, I would ask her why she is sticking with you, taking such verbal abuse from you over sex (especially when she has sexual abuse in her past), OK Seew, I understand why you get PO'ed over the no sex or lack of sex but you doing so creates the "which came first, the chicken or the egg" problem that many people experience.
So what you need to do is read somewhat between the lines. Your honey is LD, you don't like her LD, you don't treat her right, and she backs away from the R.
What people are saying to the abuse/resentment thing is "you need to back off your resentment any degree/form of disrespect and do what people are telling you, which might include moving on.
If she liked sex at one time and now it is not important to her now, you can't make her like it the way she did in the past.
Maybe sex for her was like the first time I had vanilla Coke. Really good but it's appeal wore off fast.
Could someone force me to like vanilla Coke again? I don't think so.
No we don't know the whole situation. We know from experience what is likely to come next.
RHW admits to not getting the sex part men and women need in a M till her H wanted a D.
I bet if RHW didn't have kids, she wouldn't have tried so hard to stay M.
BTW, RHW got it. Some SO's don't get it and guess what? Most muddle through many years of being sex starved and married to their LD partner.
The ones that D, look at the additional mess that involves. Most people here on the SSM forum want you to avoid the pit-falls up front. That is why they give the advice they do.
People come to the SSM forum looking too fix their R. It is better to fix yourself and almost forget about your SO. If you get healthier and your SO wants to be in a R with you, you both feel fulfilled, great. If not, then you are doing yourself and her a dis-service by not getting the beginning of a LTR more on track and up to speed.
I think some of those resources will help you see some things you might improve in yourself and help you understand sometimes being nice or attached to someone can be not as healthy as one would think. I know I had issues that needed to be addressed.
I've been reading what you have to say for months (along with all the other regulars). For you to say that what I wrote could have come from you, well, that's a mighty compliment as far as I'm concerned. You made my day, in fact.
And I'm sorry you're living the pain too, Brother Dog.
bluejay, welcome aboard. You're wise and I hope you stick around and tell us more of your story. I do know the tears over the hurt of rejection... and I'm not even married to the guy and no children are involved. I'm just stupid.
This thread is SO directed straight at me! These are all the things I need to hear.
It's ironic (and possibly a message straight from God) that Bluejay is directly related to my bf's primary nickname. In fact, when I saw the name, I had this fleeting thought...
Hi LP! Thanks for the kind words! I'm sorry you're struggling with this too. I can't stand to hear about HD women with LD men; it's just such a kick in my teeth. It's like the fates saying "you *could* be happy, there's plenty of women out there who would love to be with you and give you what you need, and get what you need to give. But instead..."
I'd like to tell you I woke up this morning and G-d was at the foot of my bed telling me I had to give you sign from up on high; but in reality I woke up, um, rarin' to go, and sorted myself out, if you catch my drift. And every time I do that, which is just about every day, I die a little inside. Sorry, I'm bitter and rambling...
As for the nickname, well, I don't know squat about your BF, but I have about a million connections to the word "bluejay".
{sigh...man I miss beer} Any thoughts from anyone on mixing chemo and beer? Calling Doctor RJ, do you copy? {sigh again...man I miss beer}
