It has been several months since I posted and things haven't changed much. My DB coach told me that I should stop the R talks and act in a positive way. I have been doing that and will continue to. But what should I do if I slip up and notices that something is bothering me? What should I say if he asks?
I am also wondering what I should do about sex. Should I initiate if he doesn't? Or should I leave it up to him? It's been three weeks already since we last ML. I was the one who initiated then.
A couple of weeks ago we had a huge argument. I mentioned to him how much I liked it when he had been doing such nice things. I tried to mention gently that it had been a while since he had done anything like that and I was starting to feel a little distance between us. H complained that sex always has to be on my terms--when I want it, how I want it, etc. He also said that he gets how important it is. I don't need to keep reminding him. He's not stupid. I don't know what "it" he was referring to. He complained about a lot of different things. "It" could have been any or all of them. He also promised to do nice things. And he sees no reason to repeat back to me what he thinks I said. So I have no idea what he thinks "nice things" are. What I consider "nice things" must not be the same as his because very little has changed. His idea of romance is still just sitting on the couch with me with his feet in my lap. There is still nothing sexual outside of sex. One minor change, though, is that he occasionally offers me a bowl of ice cream.
Another thing that was a big change for H has finally figured out how much I like surprises. He surprised me for my birthday last month. He usually asks me what I want or where I would like to go. This time, he made reservations at a Dinner Theatre for a Saturday night. I had to work 8-5 that day. Friday night, he asked me to hurry home because he had something planned. As soon as I got home, I went upstairs to take a bath and get ready to go out. He had left the tickets on the bathroom counter so that I would know where we were going so that I would know how to dress and how much time I had. I think he could have just told me without showing me the tickets, but it didn't really matter. We had a very nice time. I loved the surprise. What was disappointing was that we didn't ML that night or Sunday night. I got tired of waiting for him and initiated Monday even though he usually doesn't like to ML on a weeknight.
That is where I am so confused. He complains that sex has to be on my terms, but he doesn't initiate. What exactly does he mean anyway? If I ask him, it will turn into another huge fight. When I first started posting here, we had stopped fighting. We were able to talk to each other about our disagreements without yelling at each other. He was open to my suggestions for things that I found romantic and was having fun with it. Now he gets mad. If I were to remind him of some of the things he did that were so fun, it would spark another huge argument. That is why my coach suggested that I not talk about the R at all. She also suggested that I go out by myself sometimes. Go to a movie by myself if he doesn't want to, or go bowling, just do something without him. She wants me to avoid making him feel like he has to be the one to make me feel good. I realize she is asking me to GAL and I plan to do this ASAP.
One of H's co-workers is retiring and we are going to his party tomorrow night. I will try to go off by myself and visit with some of the people I kind of know. Or maybe I will get to know someone new. I usually stay close to him because I've always been very shy. I prefer to let him start the conversation. I do always like going to parties with H. He knows how much difficulty I have in large groups and is very considerate in that respect. He makes sure I am not left by myself with no one to talk to. There have been times that I was having a nice conversation with some ladies, so he left me while he went to talk to some guys. He came back to check on me every once in a while. It is very sweet of him.
