Well, we're closer to snuggling. I was getting some at night, but I think I spooked him off again with the fight a few weeks back. He doesn't want to confuse me. lol That's okay.
On the weirder/drama side of things...
I now don't really want MIL around for very long. I used to really like her. She didn't change...I did. It's not that she's a bad person. Just way, way too much drama and negativity. (She told me last night my kid was too skinny, and that I must not be feeding him enough. She then proceeded to try to feed him things I didn't approve of--and when I told her not to, she tried when I wasn't looking. Agh!)
Oddly, I can recall xh used to communicate like her. As in, nitpicking everything, constantly critical, always judgmental. In just the last couple of days, I have been questioning myself more again. Yuck. It was a habit I had gotten out of. I guess I didn't realize how much it had affected me in the past, when xh would do the same kind of persistent questioning.
I'm not always very good at pinning down why I feel things, sometimes...but I'm learning to follow my gut more. And, anyway, something dawned on me this morning. xh was nitpicking me. I was taking it harder than I realized. I withdrew as a result (which is something I had been suspecting lately), and then xh looked for attention elsewhere.
Seeing both halves of the circle helps me see where it's possible to break the cycle. For one...xh communicates in a much better way now. I really like it. I am working on being more open. Understanding this gives me a more positive outlook on the future.
Example. Last night, when xh got to my place (he's temporarily surrendered his apartment to MIL), he commented that I was "too skinny", and that I almost looked anorexic. (I've always been skinny. I gained, then lost, a tremendous amount of weight around my pregnancy. I'm just working on rebuilding my muscle tone.) So, this morning, I called him. I started to tell him; he interrupted, and said he had to teach a class. No problem. (I actually now am okay when he says "not now.") xh calls me later. I gently tell him, "I was hurt when you said that. Here is why." He sounded startled, and apologized. No nasty fight. Just easy, good communication.
Oh. I think I finally get the JD thing, now. xh had called me after the funeral for his classmate. (He calls me in all his high-stress situations, again. Big, big positive.) Somehow we started talking about JD.
Anyway. Apparently, her husband is going to go to the cell provider, and get the records to see who she calls/texts. Obviously, xh's number is going to come up a lot. xh agreed that this was something the husband had every right to do. (Another big positive...he never would have seen this before.) He also agreed that her husband would be right in identifying the problem.
So, xh finally explained it to me in a way I understand. He's said repeatedly that even he "doesn't know what it is." He also has told me that "yes, there are feelings". Well, he elaborated that, he's not sure what those feelings are. In that, he's unsure if it's just the whole allure of the affair fantasy, if it's because they have these personal conversations about her situation, or if it really could be early relationship feelings.
Basically, he's a little more aware than I thought he was.
(Urgh, had a beer at lunch...hope this post is coherent...lol...)
