If you don't read anything else, please read this.

[missmyfriend]

Again, I appreciate all of the responses to my post. I was not going to say anything further but I feel compelled to state again the purpose of this posting. It was not to throw stones at anyone for their choices and it was not to push my beliefs on others. I was sharing my beliefs. I apply them to me and no one else. I do try to encourage my children in my beliefs but they will make their own decisions. Reading my post again, I can see how it could be interpreted that I am suggesting other people think as I do or act differently. That was not the intent.

My request was asking that everyone respect the central theme of this site. People disagree with me on this but I know beyond a shadow of doubt, and this is not my opinion, that the board is here to support everyone going through these crises but the central (read, not only) theme is to help those fighting to save their marriages.

I absolutely understand that people should not be made to feel bad if their decision is to "move on", period. It is their decision and I have no quarrel with that. Whether I agree is inconsequential. It is their life and up to them what they need to do with their lives. I admire people that look beyond adultery or when a spouse walks away from a marriage and they come here to see if they can piece things back together. If anyone decides that as soon as their unfaithful spouse commits adultery or walks away from their marriage, they are not culpable for the marriage ending. Of course, they may have not been the perfect spouse and have responsibility for the failure of the marriage but if they are willing to fight for the marriage, bravo!

This will not be a popular statement but I cannot condemn the ones that left the marriage or committed adultery either. It is none of my business. Does it bother me? Absolutely! However, what people choose to do is their own business. I truly believe in what I said before in that you love the sinner and not the sin. I believe that I have to work through my personal feelings toward the OP that is with my W. I pray for the OP every day asking for healing. The OP is just as important as my W and my children in my faith.

Many of you, if not most of you, know me very well from my posts and e-mails. I attempt to never force my beliefs on others. I am pulling for everyone here to have restoration of their marriages and if that is not possible to realize how wonderful and awesome you are on your own, without the requirement of having a significant other providing a sense of worth.

I know I struck a nerve in several people, the reasons unknown to me but I would never intentionally hurt or offend anyone here. You have been an extension of my family.

I would like to share a fact. There are many organizations that have humble beginnings, with a single purpose. As time goes on, due to needs or desires, the purpose becomes hazy with all of the additional interests. Sometimes that is a good thing. In many cases, it loses its focus and the power that it had. I don't want anyone to feel that I believe that the site shouldn't help people post divorce or even to help someone become a better person in a new relationship because the old one was not salvageable. I am concerned the site has become more focused on moving on at this point. I am defining moving on as the marriage is over and not GAL.

In light I know that I am still in the battle for my marriage as are so many others, I was not asking anyone to go back to standing that are beyond that, I was asking that consideration for those that are still fighting continue to have that support. It is challenging to stay focused when we read about how happy people are that they moved past the MLC or WAS and should have done it long ago. Further comments that are not from only a couple people are that some people stand too long. This is a judgment that I don’t feel is fair to put on others. The last thing I was really asking for was considering how the comments about how much better the new relationship is compared to their spouse affects those fighting to continue standing. It has impacted me because I have often considered how good it would feel to have a relationship where someone appreciated me. I did not need this on the forum. I already face that from all of the people who care about me outside of our “club”.

I sincerely hope that this post makes sense and you understand that I only have expectations of myself and am not thrusting them on others. I am somewhat violating that only in the sense that I am asking again for your support to realize how the words you use can impact someone’s continuing stand for their marriage.

I know this topic is touchy and I want to thank everyone for how the responses and comments were not harsh or attacking. It demonstrates again the exceptional character that the people on this forum have.