Another subject. And since you didn't ask for my opinion, of course, here it comes.
Quote:
hundreds of banker boxes full of books stored in a house which is half unheated with a leaky roof in one of the bathrooms and a dog who hates strange men and he doesn't sleep on a futon on the floor of an abandoned boys room with Tasmanian Devil wallpaper decor. One of the big reasons I was saying I shouldn't be dating now is that as far as I am concerned I am pretty much "homeless" at the moment. I have zero motivation to engage in any nesting behavior in the ruins of my former life. I really need to unload this place and get something new and little I can deal with psychologically and financially.
Honey, you can't let yourself live this way. It's NOT good for you, as a person, as a woman, as a mother. It's so typical of the 7 to "put off" doing what needs to be done right now, or to wait until "some day" when everything will be right. This is my bf to a T.
Now you're probably going to reply that "it isn't all that bad" and really "it's kind of fun" especially after living with a guy who used to leave notes on the coffee pot that said, "Clean me."
BUT...
The fact that your ex persecuted you about your housekeeping style does not mean it's okay for you to live like a homeless person in your own house. You're NOT homeless.
I appreciate the serious thought you gave to my serious question in the above post. Can you apply the same serious thought to this question: "Why do you think of yourself as homeless?"
My bf's house is much the way you describe your house. It has the wreckage of his past marriage all over. Ever since I met him, he has been saying, "I need to get this place straightened out!" and hasn't done one thing except bring in more stuff. It's not that he's waiting for any specific thing to happen, it's just that 7 thing of assuming that at some time in the future, conditions will be right for making a healthy, cosy, nurturing nest for himself.
I had a very close girlfriend about twenty years ago. She was like a sister to me. She was having man troubles (of course-- we were like sisters!) and I hadn't been to her house in a while, althought we talked on the phone several times a day, met for lunch, went shopping, etc.
One day she called and the guy had dumped her, or maybe she had dumped him-- who knows. I went over and was truly shocked at what I saw. She had pretty much retreated to her bedroom, which was a wreck. It truly looked like homeless people were squatting there. It wasn't that I was judging her housekeeping style-- goodness knows I'm no great shakes in that zone (that's why I have someone clean-- otherwise I would NEVER clean the toilet, and I mean that). It's that looking at her house, I could see how she felt about HERSELF at that moment.
I went and got some supplies and came back and helped her clean, put sheet on the bed, replace light bulbs, get some food in the kitchen, put some flowers and plants around. I said, "Promise me you will never let yourself sink this low again because of a man."
(Epilog: she married him. He turned out to be schizophrenic. She divorced him. She married again-- a very nice guy, 10 years younger. That didn't work out. Divorced him. Just remarried again last year. :rolleyes:)
Even if you're liking GP and enjoy his company, don't put all of your emotional energy into his home. I'm not saying renovate your house right this minute, but fight your tendency to just "hang out" at his place, because your own place isn't inviting. Just create some little area for yourself that is exactly the way you like it. Journey's meditation room comes to mind. (NO, I'm not suggesting YOU should create a meditation room.) If anything, it will be an exercise in discovering your own taste. And it shouldn't require any expenditure of money. It may only require going around the house and finding the few things you really love (colors, pictures, pillows) and piling them on your futon. I can't picture your house, so I don't know.
But in some small part of your brain, stop thinking of yourself as homeless. You aren't homeless. You have a house-- an albatross, granted-- but it's a (partial) roof over your head and a place that's YOURS.
