He would be more than willing to drive out and visit me but there are practical reasons and reasons that are my "fault" that this doesn't happen. We live an hour and a half away from each other but he lives only 45 minutes from an area I frequently drive to for business and social reasons. Also, his home is better set up for entertainment than mine because he has stuff like giant waterbeds and big screen TVs and he is near lots of theaters and restaurants etc. Plus he doesn't have hundreds of banker boxes full of books stored in a house which is half unheated with a leaky roof in one of the bathrooms and a dog who hates strange men and he doesn't sleep on a futon on the floor of an abandoned boys room with Tasmanian Devil wallpaper decor. One of the big reasons I was saying I shouldn't be dating now is that as far as I am concerned I am pretty much "homeless" at the moment. I have zero motivation to engage in any nesting behavior in the ruins of my former life. I really need to unload this place and get something new and little I can deal with psychologically and financially.
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It sounds to me that your sex drive may be tanking because, in the instance of you visiting him on a Thursday... HE didn't take it up a notch. I think it is fine you are sexually confident, and that you can go 'wherever,' but it doesn't sound to me like he is.... using that to his advantage, especially in a 'leading' manner.
Therefore, I think you might be feeling confused... because he is sending out confusing vibes, and you really aren't sure how to read it. I don't know that either of you is trying to confuse the other, but the fact that you both have baggage ain't helping the sitch... you are both acting reflexively from years of conditioning, and neither one of you may actually KNOW what the 'confusion' is all about.
You have to understand that part of the problem is a lot of men don't "believe" in HDW. GP is "better" in that regard than most men because he was in a couple situations when he was young where he had female "groupies". Also, he had a father who was big on offering manly advice and he told his sons something along the lines of "Women want it just like men. They just have to act like they don't." Plus, he has sisters who seem pretty HD. STILL, he doesn't quite "get" it. On one occasion, he thoroughly mystified me by telling me about the one time he cheated on a woman because she was LD and then left her ( Note: he thinks the cheating was stupid because although it resulted in short-term renewed drive from his partner the relationship ended anyways). It was like he was telling me about it to make it clear to me that his boundary was "I will not stay in a sexless committed relationship" and this was after I thought I had made clear to him that I was HD so I was just sitting there thinking "Why are you telling me this?"
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"I'm confused."
"Why?"
Explain. I think you will be able to muddle through from there
I did try to do this and it got kind of off-topic and resulted in a long conversation about his definition of the word "slut" because he uses the word with both a negative and a positive connotation. The funny thing is that he kind of reminds me of an Uber-Urban version of Lou because part of what he implies on the topic is along the lines of "An intelligent, practical, thrifty man will wish to have a wife who is a slut because then he will not need to waste money on whores." Anyway, he said something like "All men want a woman who is a lady on the street, a woman in the home and a slut in bed.". I replied "Yeah, but what does that mean to YOU?" He accused me of being overly analytical but I insisted on getting an answer and said "What would a woman who was a slut in bed do?" and he said something like "It's not that she would do anything in particular. It's just that she would naturally know what to do because she liked it." which of course was a good answer in my book. However, GP also clearly communicated that he doesn't regard himself as super-HD or, more accurately, super-reflexively sexually responsive- he's kind of a slow-mo guy in general ( he follows the philosophy of "effortless effort")so he likes a slo-mo build-up to sex. Therefore, I'm actually right in assuming that I'm giving him what he's asking for when I flirt/tease/delay a bit sexually like I did on the Thursday in question. The thing I am discovering or re-discovering about myself is that my natural sexual identity isn't really super-HD-assertive-sexual-woman but more like affectionate-smiling-sexual-tease-who-likes-to-be-manhandled. So, an encounter like we had last Thursday where he verbally validated and growled at me a bit when I arrived and then held my hand some while we were talking and then literally picked me up in the air when he kissed me goodbye at my car was actually quite satisfying for me. Really, I think man-handling is the most important thing I want from a man because I can get all the other stuff I want sexually on my own or from cuddly people who are not men. However, I am way too wimpy to be able to handle man-handling without some affection/validation thrown into the cart and I might as well pick up a couple orgasms while I'm there since they're readily available at the check-out.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
