What To Do Now When WAW Living With OM

[foo fighter]

Theoden,

Thanks very much for your reply. I will e-mail you.

1. First of all, I love your online name. Purpose in your heart to live up to it: you are a fighter. A Kung-Fu fighter. A Shaolin monk. Brave, determined, wise and dangerous.

Thanks. My understanding is that foo fighters were the military planes that chased UFO's that appeared on radar. Foo for UFO. This one of my interests so not exactly your definition but I suppose brave, determined and dangerous!

2. It sounds like you have suffered from low self-esteem and depression for some time now. It makes you less attractive to your wife. She doesn't want to have to be your mother and wife. She sees you as weak and sad.

Yes you are right. She realized she could not provide me with what I needed. She could not fix it and in the end gave up. It is ridiculus that I saw this in our marriage but did nothing about it. Now I understand more what I was and did and know how to change it.

3. The OM represents a strong, take-charge, alpha-male that she feels she can trust. She believes he is strong She's even willing to let him beat your children. This doesn't mean he is strong. He's been through 4 wives already. He's probably charismatic and pushes her attraction buttons, but fundamentally, he's immoral and a loser. He's not strong. He's scum-bag.

Word! I would not say he is charismatic and the WAW said that he is not much of a talker or does anything interesting. However, I think is a take charge kind of guy, kind and generous and she needed security, someone to help her and lead her as she would not be able to do all this on her own.

5. Your wife had no legal right to move out your children and belongings from the family home. She can't take your kids from you.

I need legal advice. However, in Texas even though I called the police when they were taking furniture and belongings, they could not do anything on civil matters and all I know is that it is a community property state and assets are 50/50 but not 90/10 which is more like she took.

Get a full-time, stable job. This is necessary so you can have a home and it will help your self-esteem. It will also show your wife you can be a man of action.

I agree and am looking. I need one urgently.

Connect with a good church. Find one that's theologically conservative. Explain your situation to the minister. Perhaps members of the church can help you out. You are isolated and fighting for your family -- you need help. You need a team and other people. You need God.

I have been going to church for the last 6 weeks and it does help me very much. I pray everyday too.

If you can get a book, read Authentic Happpiness by Siegelman. Do all the excercizes online. It'll help snap you out of depression.

Saffie recommended this. I will get.

Consult with a family/divorce lawyer. This is imperative. Tell him/her you want to save your marriage, but want to know what your rights are, especally with your children.

Yes just trying to get the free legal representation sorted out.
I have been told by a lawyer that I know who has done some family law but is not an expert, that the courts do not like children around OM's and I could get a restraining order against OM. WAW would have to move out with children. She would not be able to afford this though and I do not have a place for them with me at the moment.

Hence I need a good steady job so that I can take the children if this becomes an option.

WAW says she will not divorce me until I have a steady job so that I can pay child support as she does not want me to go to jail for non payment. Nice uh!

Time to find the warrior within you. Become the Shaolin monk, become the Samurai. One good online resource is the free newsletter at http://www.makingherhappy.com. Email me: theoden (dot) king (at) hotmail (dot) com. (The reason I'm not writing out the email address is that this site is searchable on Goggle.)

I'll send you a free e-book on this.

I will e-mail you. Thanks for this. I am interested to see what all this is about.

Save yourself, you might save your marriage.

It will certainly give me more of a chance but if we do not reconcile, I will be the best I can for someone else later on.

Regarding your kids, they do not need to be raised by a 4 times divorced, scum bag who is f*cking your wife. Get into their lives. See them at least on weekends and one night a week. Their whole world was just shattered. Don't stand there and let it happen. They were kidnapped by your crazy wife and a rogue thief.

That is not very gun shy about the OM f'ing my wife theoden . I do see the kids at weekends, I just can not have them overnight at the moment which is why I need the steady job.