Help me thru this sitch

[Pudmuddle]

Hey Friends,

The good, the ok, and the ugly update:

The meditation class was, might I say, absolutely AWESOME. I would highly recommend it to anyone. It was all about focusing on your breathing, a calm thing and being centered and not acting on impulse. Which is kind of what we are trying to do here. I felt really good after that class.

Then when I got home my H came up to me and gave me a big warm hug and apologized for snapping on the 'meditation vs mediation' thing, and jumping to a conclusion. I told him I did think it was a very funny slipup but that I didn't respond LOL to that because I didn't want to offend him. He was laughing and said it was a bonehead move on his part. Then we talked about the class. Then I asked him about his day and he just chattered up a storm, at times I was zoning out (hadn't eaten yet) but I kept repeating in my head 'listening is powerful' and 'be a reflective listener'. So he talked for about 20 minutes on his work stuff while I listened, looked into his eyes, and reflectively answered his comments. It was very awesome of me. I think I might have upped his love bank account for me.

Then I had worn a nice skirt and top to work that day, which I never wear dresses anymore = 180, and he commented about how very nice I looked and it had been a long time since he had seen me in a skirt, I looked very good he said. It felt so good for him to notice that, that I grabbed his hand and squeezed it and gave him a warm kiss on his cheek and whispered 'thank you'.

So far in the evening, 1) nice warm hug 2) nice touching hand and light kiss. 2 for 2!

He was also hanging around in just a towel after his shower and when I was walking by I ran my fingernail across his tummy above the towel and then walked away. I'm a tease.

Then he came into our bathroom to weigh himself and started to leave after that, but then I started to get on the scale and he came back to see what I weighed...I have lost 20 pounds so he was like "Wow, all riiiiight". He genuinely seemed happy for me.

Then this morning, we talked about bills while I hung around in my underwear (yes it was to get noticed) lol. Then he mentioned he was going out tonight. I just said 'Ok' He also mentioned about going out on Sat with S to friends house. I again said 'i know, ok.'

This going out tonight kind of threw me for a loop, so I couldn't think straight after that. It still does bother me, yes. Tonight is going out with OW. Just venting here, but I just wish he could see how wrong this is...aaaaaaaaargh. It also bothers me that he is so ok with what he is doing to me and himself, confusing as hell.

So then I mentioned to him that I was thinking of going to a bar Sat night that he and I used to frequent to meet other people. He said cautiously"Oh? why you gonna do that?" I just said I missed some of our friends and needed to go out. I think that kind of threw him for a loop - SO BACK AT YA!

So it was a very nice evening, but the morning kind of got me a little on the down side, not hugely down but just bothered I guess. I'm going to restart my walking tonight to work off the emotional stress and work on my meditation routine.

So YAY, Eh, and Bleah.