Hard to function after the divorce...

[Dom R]

Let's try again fresh....

I am looking for someone who has had a similiar situation, and things do happen for a reason. I am not looking for "What should I do with my life ?"type answers.

Things do happen for a reason, AK. They happen, based on what we choose to do.
You say you arent looking for "what to do with your life". yet you are looking for "someone who has a similar situation".

Sounds like you are going to base your decision of "what should I do next", based on whatever "similar situation" happens to be posted.
Sounds like a "magic 8 ball" type choice to me.

Here's a different perspective for you, AK.

If you put in the effort, and time, you could find people's stories, of every possibility. Of people who stayed with their affair partner. Of people who dropped both ex-wife, and affair partner. Of people who reconciled with their ex-wife.

They are all possibilities. What matters, is which one you choose to pursue.

My gf doesn't under stand why she wanted out of the marriage, she has found letters my wife wrote to me just 2 years ago, and she doesn't understand how someone can write that and walk away if they are sincere.

It can happen, when the other person hurts them too badly for them to deal with.

She never got over your affair inside. She didnt FULLY process it, and forgive you for it. I think that's why she had what is called a "revenge affair", and then left. even years later after yours. It's not uncommon for that to happen.

And in a way, you going back to your affair partner, justified her resentment of you for it. You went back to her right away, rather than hang in there for your wife.

3 months of you trying, after her affair, is nothing. She kept trying to work on your marriage, for 2 and a half years.

Relationships are all to much work, if this one doesn't workout I am out of the game. I have a passion in life my son, and my art. I definetly don't want to make the emotional investment again way to painful.

A relationship with your son, is "a relationship". Having a good one, is a very large emotional investment indeed. It's not all fun at games. It requires a lot of tough choices, and sacrifices on your part.

IF he is really what matters most to you in this world... then for his sake, you should try to reconcile with his mother.

SO...
... is he really what matters most to you in this world?