More complicated than I imagined...

[Michael Mc C]

Continuing from above (the "disappointment" posting), I guess this one can be categorized as the "anger" posting.

I have to distance myself from her. I feel so damn angry (towards both of us). I look at her and all I see is ugliness - physical, emotional, moral, everything about her is so unattractive right now.

She used to be such a beautiful person. Not sure if anyone's familiar with the "Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde but similarly, it's as if all of her 'sins' and misdeeds have suddenly caught up to her and they are evident in everything she does and says. The mask is off, that's all. I am no longer looking at her as someone I love but instead as someone who has hurt me. I hate this feeling.

I've learned some lessons here about detaching. My happiness is still far too intertwined with my marriage and my love for this woman. And, damn it, I still allow her to have that power over me. The power to affect me in this way.

One thing's for sure. She is making it easier and easier for me to turn my back on this.