I can relate to so much of what I'm reading. That feeling of sitting in MC having tough questions trown at us and fearful of the answers. Sickening. But that is part of the process.
Cat, when you said that sometimes you feel like you're loosing it... been there. You and your H are getting into a down cycle. In other words, you're feeling like he's withdrawn, and it's bothering you. He can tell that something's bothering you and he withdrawls more. Then you start feeling like you can't take it anymore. He starts feeling like nothing he does is good enough. At least, that's how it's played out in my M many times. And I think that we FINALLY broke that cycle. It was like we fed off each other's negativity, each person blaming the other.
The piecing and healing process is full of ups and downs. It's not a straight line from point A to point B. It's a series of ups and downs, and hopefully in the process you're both learning something. And in a very small way, hopefully you're progressing. Though, sometimes it feels like it's time to throw in the towel. Again, I KNOW!
If MC were easy, than it wouldn't be doing any good. It's like exercising... in order to lose weight, you need to go through the pain of the workout.
Hang in there. Is there any way you can open the lines of communication a bit more? It seems like you're both bottling stuff up right now, which is feeding into the negativity.
One last thought... I was in a session with my H's C with H a few months ago. I had said that while I'd prefer to save my M, I would much rather be D than live with what I had been living with the past two years. I said that I know I can be just fine without H if it came to that. I said this all in front of H. The C said that that was the best positino to be in.... willing to D, but wanting to save your M. I had also read that in a book about the seven secrets of a good M.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
