More complicated than I imagined...

[Michael Mc C]

Well last night was a downer, a big one. Found out (confirmed) W is up to old antics of pushing for a R with someone new online. I know this guy and he has insisted he is not interested but he has not had the b@lls to make her stop.

She has told him that she is ready to move on, to start dating, to go and "get some". She is in a "drought" and feeling randy. Wonderful.

She said she might even break down and get some from me...

Man oh man. I thought things were going pretty well. It's as if she's leading a double life. The one when she's 'here' in the real world seems almost perfect. So close to feeling like husband and wife. Then she gets online and goes alien on me.

She was sick all day yesterday and, as I would normally, I helped a bit more with things around the house and with the kids and even with her - just helping to provide comfort. That comfort part is what really kills me. She asked me to work upstairs again and I did. She asked me to pick her up a snack when I was running out to the store, and I did. She asked me drop off and pick up the kids, and I did. These aren't things that I considered out of the ordinary and they didn't seem to be counter-productive to what I've been trying to do. She's sick, she asked and I helped.

She has also been sleeping in the bed again, until last night anyway.

So our discussion last night ended with me telling her that I allowed myself to feel we were getting closer again. That I was suckered into making her life comfortable again. I told her that I would appreciate it if everytime she asks me to do something she end the request with "...and I still want a D"

"M, can you pick up some potato chips? I still want a D"
"M, couldn't you work from upstairs today? Oh, I still want that D"
"M, can you help me with the computer? Yeah, I still want a D"

Apparently I'm too thick headed to remember that she is manipulative and will do just about anything to make sure the next 2 years here work in her favor, and hers alone.

I have all of next week off (we were supposed to go to NC but cancelled it due to her father's health). So I have 9 days ahead of me where I'm going to need full-time GAL.

To say I'm crushed may be an overstatement but I am definitely disappointed. I'm disappointed in myself and once again in my wife's childish behavior. Since everything seems to be starting all over again, I'm taking what I've learned over the past 2 and half months and letting that direct my actions. I am not a door mat. I am not her friend. I am a good, loving, supportive man and father. I cannot add "husband" to that list because that job has been suspended.