*sigh*.....man, how do I stop letting him push my buttons.
Yesterday the school told me (and left h a voicemail message) that d6 was getting a special certificate at assembly today and d6 didn't know about it. I appreciate that they told us so we could be there. Unfortunately I had already taken Monday off and left work early on Tues (to pick up d6 from school because h couldn't do it - h had a counselling appointment) and on Thursday (to take d6 to her own counselling appointment) so I didn't feel that it would be right for me to take more time off at such late notice. Luckily h rang last night and asked me to leave out the camera for him as he had rearranged his shift so he could go to assembly.
This mornign while I at work he sent me a txt saying 'thanks a lot. batteries are flat and memory card full. consequently no pictures'. I felt bad but really, it's not his problem, it's mine, I wasn't there, I didn't check the camera, I don't get the photos. I texted back sorry and that I should have checked the camera. I asked how it went and if d6 was surprised and that I was glad he could make the time to go.
I had also left him a friendly note telling him about the sort of books/stationery things d6 was keen on and that I was glad he could make the time to go to the assembly.
So, I felt a bit bad about the camera but it only really affects me, doesn't it?
This evening when I got home I found a note from him. In it he accused me of making him look like a bad father (because of the camera). I had left some mail for him on the bench and had readressed _one_ of them with his work address because I was torn between not wanting him to come around and also wanting him to get his mail, but also making a point that I didn't know his new address. He then went on to say in the note that I must NEVER redirect his mail, and that he will collect it every few days. He then went on to say that if I am trying to p1ss him off I'm doing a good job with all these games I'm playing. He said if that's what it takes to get me through the day, then so be it but it will turn around and bite me on my 'big fat arse'.
OF course I was upset and I ended up ringing and leaving him a very tearful and upset message saying something like "I assure you I am not playing any games. I'm sorry about the camera, I should have checked it. It's a cock-up, these things happen." I tried to explain about the mail and I wasn't sure if he was going to be coming around or indeed if I felt like I could be in the same room as him after what happened on Sunday (police were involved). I don't think I said much more than that other than that I wanted him not to leave abusive messages for me and that if he couldn't say anything nice, then perhaps he shouldn't say anything at all.
Then I called my sister.
I wish I hadn't have left him a message. I want to take it back.
I'm worried he'll call me later after he finishes work or worse, actually come around. I want a sanctuary for me, and this house doesn't fit the bill because he has pointed out several times now that this house is his too and he'll come round when he wants to.
Help...what do I do now? I don't trust his temper. I don't trust my emotions. I don't want him around any more. I don't want d6 to see any more of this nasty stuff.
