very glad you weren't upset about H fixing the tile. You definitely want to encourage him on those kinds of things. It will help boost his ego which he needs, and is probably part of the reason he hasn't done much.
IMHO I still wouldn't say anything to H about changing rooms. I wouldn't even tell him that night. I would just act as if that is what he wanted, and even playfully/flirty tell him goodnight and head off to YOUR room in a subtle sexy outfit/nighty. I think that would be great! He's probably gonna be dying that first night! Then, if he asks about it, you can tell him, you knew that he wanted space and you think it's a good idea. If he has a bad reaction to it... I would just wait it out for a bit. I really really doubt he's going to react in anger or anything like that.
Good job going to your dance class! I wish I could take it with you! I'm gonna have to be brave like you and find one for me. not sure that I'd do bellydancing...I think I'd be too embarrassed! Although my aunt did it for several years and she said it was the best workout and kept her tummy strong and flat.
oh, about your H pretending it's all back to normal. that could be, but I thought the same thing with MY H, and there was still a time where he had asked me to stay at my moms longer than I planned and I was really confused whether to do it for him or not (thinking, he could quite possibly bring that OW to our house or him go there), but I did do it, and by 3 weeks he couldn't help but text me that he wanted me to be his W forever and I think (can't remember for sure) he said he was sorry about everything. That was something I thought I'd never hear, and that instead, he would just pretend it was over and never happened. (especially the type of guy he is.. never ever ever shares his emotions with me, unless it's anger about a football game or work.) So, my point, is he may very well say something to you sometime, but it's not important at this time because of where you are and what your plans are right now.
And How awesome he called you 3 times at work!!!! it's so funny. just don't start letting your expectations set back in. continue to keep them low.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I will be back on later to reply - but wanted to let everyone know I changed my user ID. Not by much, but I just realized how easy it is to find my posts here via the email address I've been giving people recently. Not good, especially with H being more "snoop-y" lately... so wanted my ID here to be different from my email, at least.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
jak haha I LOVE that, tell him I was trying to read his mind.
I do think it's a good idea not to tell him until I'm actually moving. Thanks for that (and ST for your thoughts as well!).
Yep, we both have a lot to work through before we reconcile again if/when that happens. Not going to rush ANYTHING this time. Including my own thought process - I need some time to really think objectively about what's best for me. Well, as objectively as is possible in these sitches.
ST Thanks for the ideas! I like it with one small tweak - as OT suggested in the past, make it about me rather than him. So say I needed the space... rather than knowing he needed it. Yeah I don't really expect any major angry reaction or anything. Confusion, depression maybe, happiness maybe, who knows.. but don't think it will be anything tough to wait out, whatever it may be.
I actually think bellydancing is LESS embarassing in a lot of ways. I'm way less self-conscious in a room full of women than in a paired off type dance class. Although if your H would go with you, a couples class would be great!! At least if I'm doing the steps all wrong I'm only messing myself up.. . I really do enjoy it and it's not TOO embarassing (the only part that cracks me up every time is the "glut squeeze" - we literally are sitting on the floor and pull our butt muscles out and behind us, then alternate flexing the top/side glut muscles.. I know we look ridiculous, but at least we ALL look ridiculous together.. ).
Interesting about your H and the way things went. I honestly don't think I could even consider reconciling again WITHOUT him saying something and verbally recommitting, but it's hard to say. Even if it happens that's down the road, so not worrying about it for now.
Yep.. zero expectations, that's for sure. Learned my lesson on that one!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
That is a great idea to chang ethe user ID!! I woulod hate if my H snooped on me here too> Looks great NikB. I am very proud of you. I only wish your H would read Dr also. Is he a DBer at all?
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Hi there Nikki, You sound great. Happy for you about the raise/promotion. That had to be a boost to the self confidence you are just beaming with these days. Way to go.
Me: 41 H: 42 Married: 13Y, together 24 Kids: S11, S9, D6 Bomb: 7/11/06, now piecing
oh ya, the raise/promo! totally forgot about that.... many congrats to you! I bet your recent PMA changes had something to do with that!
making it about you than H... oh ya, your wanting this for yourself too, forgot about that.
totally wasn't thinking about the class being all girls vs couples. huge point I missed! I was just imagining myself throwing my hips all around with my arms up in the air, not about who I was standing around!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Ellie Yep, I remember those nuggets of wisdom from time to time.
Donna Thanks!!
mk Thank you! Yeah, I don't know why I didn't think about that google issue sooner. I'm into tech stuff, I should know better.
DB/DR for my H? Heck no.. not a chance. He stopped even going to the counselor because he didn't like her "making me think too much." Think it's also why he doesn't hang out with any of his long time friends when he's in "I want out and that's that" mode.
Care Thanks! Yeah the timing of that was excellent, for sure. At first I was thinking "Oh NO I already have too much going on" - but once I let myself get excited about the new job, it took over quick.
ST Thank you! Yeah... H (at least in the last convo we had awhile ago) wants me to move out completely. Actually I think he'd prefer (or says he would) it if I'd just disappear and rewind the last 12 years. So the room thing is not what he wants anyway - I don't exactly want it but feel I need it in terms of time/space to think. If he's not going to commit - well - I'll enjoy the small positives, but I'm done forcing myself to work on something that isn't there.
Funny how he starts coming around every time I make a move away though. Last night was showing me a bunch of car/racing stuff that he was really excited about. I joined him for awhile then went inside to do my own thing. I think that threw him a bit - wait what? you don't want to spend every possible moment with me?? I shared in his excitement and such, just didn't drop everything the second he seemed interested in spending time w/me. I think it was a positive.
haha funny point on the bellydancing. I guess the good thing is in a beginner class, everyone's so self conscious that they don't even notice what you're doing!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
great job, showing him your attention when he was excited about something, and not being with him every chance you get.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
. I really do enjoy it and it's not TOO embarassing (the only part that cracks me up every time is the "glut squeeze" - we literally are sitting on the floor and pull our butt muscles out and behind us, then alternate flexing the top/side glut muscles.. I know we look ridiculous, but at least we ALL look ridiculous together.. 
).