I may be new here, but I have spent time on other boards dealing with infidelity. The two things I read in posts again and again are anger and deep pain.
All of us met someone years ago. Someone we fell in love with who feel in love with us. In each case, two people mutually agreed to spend their lives together, to have children, to take care of each other, and to be faithful. Then, somewhere along the way, one person changes their mind. One person walks away and usually to be with another lover. These boards are not filled with people who have mutually agreed to divorce. Those couples that sit down and decide to end their married the same way it started, by mutual consent, do not come here. The anger and pain comes from being left when you are still in love.
For some the pain is so great they can not bear it alone. I understand that. It is the same anger and pain we would feel if our spouse died. The difference here, unlike death, is the chance our love could come back to us haunts us daily.
For now, I have decided to stay, as I am not sure that my H has lost his love for me, mostly I think he has lost his way in life. Therefore, I will stay and do what I can to give him the time to find his way if he can. For now, my marriage is not dead.
But for others that may not be the case. For some it is a death and a some point we really do know the difference and accept what is and move on. When and how we know is for each of us alone to decide.
