sounds like she is feeling really torn inside...just step back...don't try and help her solve any of this...she knows where the kids will be so if she really wants to be there she can...if the OM is more important then her kids and family (for now, this could/will change) then so be it...
As husband said...give her space....she fighting the demons of her own conscience and the battle of her own mind...guilt is a terrible bedfellow even if you try and convince everyone that your right....
