If I were you I would email (less emotional and easier to pick your words) and admit that you feel it was wrong to give him that ultimatum...your sorry, you will leave it to him to do the right thing for you all...and acknowledge that these things take time...and to ask for his patience with you...and then leave him alone...wait to see what he does...
I know it is hard...but it takes time to break free of the emotional needs of the A/OW...you MUST let him get over her on his own...I know my H had contact after he came home and it was hard for me to know that...but when I really thought about it I could understand...it just takes time...you can't make feelings end...
