Oh, thank God, I thought I was loosing it (again!).

Nikki emailed me to check in--I have no idea what went on....

Oh, wait...didn't I say something about the DB coach...? Maybe that had to be edited...

Anyway, things are pretty smooth. Today.

To recap:
We had the family C session on Tues. Son told the C that he felt like a pigeon sucked into the engine of a jet plane--just trying to live life, and getting ripped to shreds with no control over it. Then backpeddled; said Not like the pigeopn was commiting suicide or anything...The C called me yesterday, saying it was imperative that I speak with her. I met her when I went to my IC appt. Kids' C is very concerned about S, says he is crashing, wants him evaluated by the pediatrition and a psych for possible depression. Said he was slick to "cover" himself so the adults wouldn't worry--she says those are the ones we have to watch very closely, get as many professionals involved as possible.

So, met with his Science teacher yesterday (H was there, too--not much said between the two of us. He seemed pissed about something and I pretty much ignored him). I went this morning to meet with Math and Reading. Gave them the heads-up to listen and watch very carefully, got info on how to help him with his grades. He got 3 D's and a C+, when his standardized scores show he is well-above grade level in capability. All stress, forgetting assignments, not doing HW, etc. Set up a plan between all the teachers, what to do at home, and what H can do to help.

Mother Bear anger is starting to come up, though. Seems that I couldn't get in touch with the anger before I really let go and gave up trying. I am angry at what he has put us all through. That my son feels that way. (D is affected but differently--she is still young enough to live in the concrete world of today only--no focus or even real concept of the future).

Going back to the family C session, H cried through almost the whole thing (I rarely looked over at him, but tears were streaming). I think that he is crying for himself, again, like at bff's mom's funeral... C asked us to write down one wish that we had for right now:
S--more time with his dad, being a family
me--that our family was whole again
H--more time with the kids

So, no new news there. I had tears coming down for almost 2 hours after the meeting...then went to AlAnon meeting. That went VERY well--gratitude list, etc...

Looking forward to meeting up with some new friends this weekend. The MET for the Rembrandt show on Sat, then brunch and BMX ride on Sun with a guy who I talked to for about 4 hours after my AlAnon meeting Tues!!

He emailed me again tonight and was very sweet, polite...I have just been lonely, even with all of the friends and family that I have. My self-esteem took such a shot; its nice to have someone tell you that you are beautiful. Not sure how long its been since I got that when I didn't ask (does this look ok? Usual answer--you don't /that doesn't look too bad...blech).

****
Today--up and off to conferences and then school. Good but frantic day. Bus duty in the rain with no umbrella :0(
Home to an arguement with S who was supposed to write a page in his journal for Reading (he had 4 hours to do it). I sent him to his room, grounded.
After 1/2 hour, he came out and threw the book at my feet, went to storm off. He11, no. Back here, pick it up...talked to him...went through the whole--You don't have to like me when I tell you to do something, but you WILL do it, especially as I am trying to help you! Had a good talk, he even got some of his anger out. I told him it was OK for him to get angry with me--I'm pretty big, I can take it. But he still has to do what I say, even if he is angry. I will still love him even when he hates me, etc. It was most important that he get the anger out so he doesn't get a stomach or head ache. He seemed to soak that all in.

H had left a nasty phone message about a medical bill (I am working with his union to get it paid). Demanded ALL of the mail that was in his name for the last 6 months, etc....
I calmly emailed him back and told him how the issue was being handled; I wasn't holding his mail. He was much nicer in his response, said thanks for taking care of it, thanked me for talking to the other teachers this morning, etc.

At the end, he wrote: Be careful this weekend (I know that bff told him that I am going out on a date). I keep getting that song in my head from the Jefferson's tv show..."Movin' on Up."