I am not a religious person, but I did believe I married for life or I would not have married at all. My H is with an OW. He left 6 months ago after a year long affair. I have been with this man for more than half my life and love him dearly. It destroyed me. I was unable to function, eat, sleep, work, or do anything for months. I have been in IC twice a week and am doing a specialized therapy for PTSD. Even after all this I am willing to work on me and save my marriage. I have been able to forgive my H and would stay married if he wanted to return.
I have done this alone. I have one son, but he lives far away. Most of our mutual friends or family do not call or support my desire to save my marriage.
Meanwhile, the OW my H is with was left by her H. He ran off with a 23 year old (he is 50). This OW did not do anything to save her relationship. She lives in anger. She came to me as a friend for support, which I gave her, and then began an affair with my H while I was out of town. This OW still wants her X back, yet she continues to see my H. Not that it is all her, my H is part of it, but she has used her pain as a LBS to justify an affair with a married man. (Her words in an email to me.)
In all these months, I have met very few people who supported me in saving my marriage. Most either believe I am either a fool or that I should hate my H and never see him again. Some try just to be supportive of whatever happens, but never advise either way as they don't want to "take sides". Only one friends actively tried to help reunite us. One friend(ex)knew of the affair and actively helped keep it going. He cheated on his first wife and left her, thus thought my H should do the same.
I say all this, because I agree with you. There seems to be very little support in society to save a marriage these days. Yet, there is great support to go out and have a new relationship, even if you are married. I cannot tell you the number of people that have told me get a BF as a stand in for GAL. It is as if relationships or marriages are like cars. If one wears out, trade it in and drive off.
Perhaps if the OW in my case had stuck it out and worked on herself, I would not be here. Perhaps if the 23 year old had not been willing to be with the OW's X, he might have gone home. Some where along the way people have decided their vows or promises mean nothing. But the people they affairs with have also decided that vows mean nothing. And society seems to back them up.
So what does all this rambling mean? I choice to stick it out. I have not dated, nor will I. If my H chooses to divorce me, I will let him go as he is free to do so. However, the saddest thing I have learned in all this mess, is how little value we as a society put on marriage. Just in my case, 5 adult lives and 3 children have been effected. Not to mentions all the rest of our families. Countless boards on the internet are filled with LBSs like me. When do we say stop?
