Read that again and highlight it. You will not be a bad person if you end this.
I suspect you've got the idea in your head that sex really shouldn't be a big deal, shouldn't be that important. Maybe it shouldn't be but it is, not just for "players", but for decent, smart, compassionate men like you want to consistently be. Those guys need sex and affection too, and the more the better.
I don't think anything will change until you can face the end of your relationship with equanimity. Until you can break it off yourself and know that you are not a bad person for doing so, and thereby make it clear to her that she can't use your own guilt and sense of duty to hold onto you and keep you on her side and will have to bring something to the table on her own.
You have to really mean it, because she can tell. Women are amazingly perceptive when it comes to our mindset and attitude, and you can't fake it. I'd say that years ago she picked up on the fact that you were perfectly willing to let her coast, and she did so and let it become a nasty habit, one that she's not going to want to go through the frustration and effort of breaking unless she has to, and maybe not even then.
So there's no magic words you can say to get her to come around. You have to really believe, deep down, that you have every right to move on and find someone else if she's not giving you enough of what you're looking for to make it worth your while to stick around. Once she feels you being in that mindset, maybe she'll step up and actually convince you to stay. Or maybe you'll get to practice a better mindset in a new relationship, and you'll have some idea of the kind of mindset to stay out of.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
