an xh, his FF, Thanksgiving, MIL, and one psuedo-R

[JennyF]

I thought she was a nasty wh#$% who intentionally pursued a married man, and tried to manipulate him into leaving me. Or TJ. I hate TJ. I call her LittleMissSk@anky. lol How trashy do you have to be to knowingly (and heavily) flirt with a married man whose wife is expecting? Yuck

These EXACT words could be on my post along with....'and continue to pursue him after the baby is born'.

It can't possibly last with a person like this!
J~

[azhira]

Jenny...the little sk@nky disappeared on her own. She just wanted to play games. xh finally saw that. (Took a few months.) She was the kind who thrived on the whole drama, guy-attention thing. Once the baby got here, and he couldn't spend time with her, she got huffy and he got sick of real quick. In a way, their friendship (however annoying) was a blessing in disguise...he got to see how some of his behaviors appeared on the outside.

[azhira]

He keeps saying things like "She has to see it; I made it through."

WHOA.. that is really really worrying.
That sounds like an affair partner, who has "done his part of the deal", and is now waiting for her to follow through with her part of it.

I see what you mean, but I don't think so. He met her after we finalized. (I know that for certain.) I suspect, as I mentioned above, it's his way of validating/justifying what happened...that it was worth the effort, no matter how hard.

you may have to deal with the issue that part of him wants to be with you.. and part of him wants to be with her... and when she's free, that "other part" may actually go right out the door and be with her, unless he decides to give her up before then.

It's possible. I don't know. The competitive scorekeeper in me wants to shout "No one has ever beat me before!" lol But I'm making it a point to not put myself into comparison anymore.

I also think he may lose interest before she actually gets moved out. From what I understand, it'll be several more months before she can legally hold a job in the US. But this is a guess. He has been incredibly open, and even more appreciative lately. I got more thank yous and such last night.

He also gave me a kiss this morning. Been awhile since he's done that. (Outside of ML.)

Just thinking out loud...

[Dom R]

That does indeed sound like a better situation than i was imagining.

Good for you.

(and I'm very jealous.... [wants a kiss from W... sulk...] )

[Jeanette1120]

Hi Azhira!!

So your dad is a fan of ebay and antique guns eh??

and he lives in Arizona???

[DaveJ]

(and I'm very jealous.... [wants a kiss from W... sulk...] )

Dom, I am with you there. :P and a nice one! Now one of those dead corpse I don't really want to kiss you but here it is ones.

[azhira]

Jeanette--nah, he is in Indiana. Retired, spends his time now researching guns. lol

Dave and Dom: Well, it's been a year and a half since I've gotten a genuine kiss. (Not the heat-of-the-moment roll-in-the-bed kind.) Now, if I could just get some snuggling...

[DaveJ]

Snuggles are on sale at Fry's...oh you mean that other kind. :P Yeah I hear ya. That would be nice too....

[Dom R]

Jeanette--nah, he is in Indiana. Retired, spends his time now researching guns. lol

Dave and Dom: Well, it's been a year and a half since I've gotten a genuine kiss. (Not the heat-of-the-moment roll-in-the-bed kind.) Now, if I could just get some snuggling...

wow.. i hear ya there. no snuggling either? awww..
no ML kisses for me either and been a while since that, too.. we've been having fights when the occasion came up

i saw her today, at a school conf... she looked REALLY nice.
siiigh....

[azhira]

Well, we're closer to snuggling. I was getting some at night, but I think I spooked him off again with the fight a few weeks back. He doesn't want to confuse me. lol That's okay.

On the weirder/drama side of things...

I now don't really want MIL around for very long. I used to really like her. She didn't change...I did. It's not that she's a bad person. Just way, way too much drama and negativity. (She told me last night my kid was too skinny, and that I must not be feeding him enough. She then proceeded to try to feed him things I didn't approve of--and when I told her not to, she tried when I wasn't looking. Agh!)

Oddly, I can recall xh used to communicate like her. As in, nitpicking everything, constantly critical, always judgmental. In just the last couple of days, I have been questioning myself more again. Yuck. It was a habit I had gotten out of. I guess I didn't realize how much it had affected me in the past, when xh would do the same kind of persistent questioning.

I'm not always very good at pinning down why I feel things, sometimes...but I'm learning to follow my gut more. And, anyway, something dawned on me this morning. xh was nitpicking me. I was taking it harder than I realized. I withdrew as a result (which is something I had been suspecting lately), and then xh looked for attention elsewhere.

Seeing both halves of the circle helps me see where it's possible to break the cycle. For one...xh communicates in a much better way now. I really like it. I am working on being more open. Understanding this gives me a more positive outlook on the future.

Example. Last night, when xh got to my place (he's temporarily surrendered his apartment to MIL), he commented that I was "too skinny", and that I almost looked anorexic. (I've always been skinny. I gained, then lost, a tremendous amount of weight around my pregnancy. I'm just working on rebuilding my muscle tone.) So, this morning, I called him. I started to tell him; he interrupted, and said he had to teach a class. No problem. (I actually now am okay when he says "not now.") xh calls me later. I gently tell him, "I was hurt when you said that. Here is why." He sounded startled, and apologized. No nasty fight. Just easy, good communication.

Oh. I think I finally get the JD thing, now. xh had called me after the funeral for his classmate. (He calls me in all his high-stress situations, again. Big, big positive.) Somehow we started talking about JD.

Anyway. Apparently, her husband is going to go to the cell provider, and get the records to see who she calls/texts. Obviously, xh's number is going to come up a lot. xh agreed that this was something the husband had every right to do. (Another big positive...he never would have seen this before.) He also agreed that her husband would be right in identifying the problem.

So, xh finally explained it to me in a way I understand. He's said repeatedly that even he "doesn't know what it is." He also has told me that "yes, there are feelings". Well, he elaborated that, he's not sure what those feelings are. In that, he's unsure if it's just the whole allure of the affair fantasy, if it's because they have these personal conversations about her situation, or if it really could be early relationship feelings.

Basically, he's a little more aware than I thought he was.

(Urgh, had a beer at lunch...hope this post is coherent...lol...)