maybe I'm waiting to hear things my way...maybe I don't want to hear..."my feelings for her are irrelevant, I'm home with you" maybe I want to hear..."I love you LL and that's why despite the fact that I may have some feelings for her I chose to come home to you!!"
why don't I just hear in h's words what is being said???
because as always I can twist his words to mean anything...but then again could I not twist the words I just gave??
h's saying his feelings for her are irrelevent may not seem like enough but if I do think about it...he didn't have to come home...he had been gone...the kids and I had started to adjust fine...he asked if he could come home...he asked if he could sleep in my bed...he could have kept walking...I haven't made his homecoming especially easy..and he's still here...yes there have been a few rare evenings that he's gone out with buddie to tie one on...stayed at his appartment but I can count them on one hand!
h is trying...in his way....h is softer...h is more attentive..h is more affectionate...what is it I am looking for??? what is it h is waiting for???
what's the next step??
I've made an appointment to get back to my c...haven't been there since h went to see him...I asked h if I made the next appointment at night would he go with me or did he want to see him alone again...he said he'd go with me.
maybe that's the next step? I just hope it doesn't do more damage...I just hope h is open to it...I just hope I am open to it too.
