i truly empathize with you. my h continued to see exd ow almost everyday of his training and even though he was with me, it bugged me. also i understand you wanting h to despise exow and to see her for what she is. i am "lucky" i guess you could say, that my h hates second ow. but he still has fond feelings for ow#1!!!! he will admit she was a bit slutty to do what she did, and he can't respect what she did, but she has always been a friend to him, always there. yuk. puke. so i understand. unfortunetly i do not have a majic spell that can change this.
when your h says his feelings for exow are irrelevant i disagree. and it is not the answer your looking for. it must be very frustrating for you that h won't just give up her nbusiness and the apt. too bad there isn't another solution that h would feel comfortable with. why doesn't exow just get another landscaper? why doesn't her h or she do it? maybe with her upcoming D she won't be able to afford it.
i agree that we can place too much emphasis on the op, but i can't help it either. i hate knowing she (both of them) laughed at my naivete, my trusting nature. it all but eats me up that another woman thought she knew my h better than me. i don't know what to say, i have no advice on this. i wish a pox on the lot of them. i think they are horrible needy desperate manipulative and some other really dirty words.
i guess you could say, that my h hates second ow. but he still has fond feelings for ow#1!!!! he will admit she was a bit slutty to do what she did, and he can't respect what she did, but she has always been a friend to him, always there. yuk. puke. so i understand. unfortunetly i do not have a majic spell that can change this. 
