before i married H, i cheated on him a couple times. i always thought our R was over, and to finalize it, i cheated. it was bad, and i felt bad, and i apologized over and over.
when we got married, i didn't cheat, though I'll admit I did flirt from time to time.
we fought about it a lot. everytime i tried to bring up how his drinking bothered me, he'd drag out the cheating to put me in my place.
even when i'd told him EVERYTHING, and let years pass for "healing" he still didn't believe me. he still thought there was something i wasn't telling him.
once i finally overcame that, and believed i'd paid pennance enough for my actions. that's when i felt justified in making some demands of him. to no avail until, once again... until i got involved...
so, now he's got a whole new magazine of ammo. and i'm afraid that once i calm down he's going to break it out. so, i can't calm down. i can't trust him with "me". he's just going to hurt me again. kick me when i'm down, so to speak.
i don't know what i'm saying here, really, except that H's truth is his and if he trusts you, he might share his truth with you. if you freak, you break the trust again, and leave yourself vunerable to his secrets again.
i know affairs hurt. but in all our reading, we surely come across the fact that the cheater isn't some horrible, secretive, snake... the cheater is just a person, looking for love, taking the path of least resistance once the resistance becomes too much to deal with.
