this is the way it is...h had a r with another woman...a woman who's voice many years ago made my skin crawl...a woman who baked cookies for his brother...a woman who invited his brother into her home on a weekly basis to sit and eat dinner with her and her children and husband...a woman who let any man who wanted to walk into her door come right in..a lonley woman..is it my h's fault this woman was lonely and needy? no but it was his fault for going to her home when it was not business...it was his fault for not keeping it a proffesionall businnes r..maybe she made it easy to cross that boudary by inviting the work crew to her parties or for a swim in her pool (I would surley offer lunch or a beverage to workers at my home but to invited them to my private party with family and friends? to invite them to swim in my pool...I'm nice and caring but that's plain asking for trouble...you don't know these men) did my h prey on her weekness...did she prey on my h's vulnerability?? doesn't matter they preyed on each other...both knowing what they were doing was wrong...I'm sure ow would not have been pleased with her h if he were spending as much time with another woman as she was spending with my h but that is her issue...I know my h would not be pleased if I were spending as much time with another man as he was spending with ow. but they did it anyway.
I don't have the answers...I seem to face more and more questions...
I don't want ow to be a customer...I've told h so... I don't like the way it makes me feel to know she's a customer still and therefore they have a "reason" to still communicate...I doubt it would be possible for either of them to simply discuss business and not inquire...how are you..and all that crap.
I know there is a danger in h working for her still...which is why I don't want it..
can I wait like h and hope that she will sell her home..d her h and move away?? I'd imagine she'd move back to where-ever her family is as they don't seem to be in that state. so maybe h is hoping that she will move away and it will happen the easy way...instead of him taking yet another stand against her...he did after all leave her to come home didn't he.
I don't know what I can do about the fact that h is keeping her as a customer...
he knows it hurts me...
maybe he doesn't realize that it hurts him too...
I just wish he could be honest about things upfront instead of being defensive about it afterward...
tell me your intentions...that you are sending the proposal to save face...that you are hoping she follows through with moving away and therefore you will have disturbed nothing by dropping her she will have in a sense dropped you.
I was doing well with the a...yes I still had the luming question of "was it at any point a pa?" and h flatley denied...he did admit to wanting to...but it just never got there...part of me seeing the way h is can believe that...but the other part of me that lives in the world of sex and drugs and rock and roll says "ya right whatever you need to believe to carry on honey!"
things are better than they were...need more work...what's going on?? what will go on???
will there always be questions in my mind? will the story one day change? will I accept it?
I was told by one smart poster when I first started to battle the question of pa is that h would probably tell me when I was ready...when it seemed I had healed...I don't want to wait...I want it all out now..I want to move past the crap and get on with life...not get things going well and then be brought back here again.
I want to believe what h tells me as the truth...h knows I have trouble believing him on this...
if he didn't have a pa and I go on believing he did...I am cheating him and myself.
if he did have a pa and I go on believing him when he says he didn't then again I am cheating him and myself.
