Quote: My point here, and I'm just throwing this out there, but do you think that your H had a PA and he just can't get past it? I have to assume he is still communicating with her, you know, because she is a client. It seems rather unavoidable. I think that my W could not come around to me fully until she admitted her PA...I just don't think it would have happened...or if it did it would have taken a LONG time. I just wonder if your H had a PA and simply can't admit it because he thinks it will break your heart. I'm wondering if he's holding back (or coming around ever so slowly) because this is what happened. Is he holding guilt and can't release it? If so, then I suspect he thinks he can't release this guilt to you, and he can't in C because then he'd be exposed. If this is the case, OW shares this secret and OW is his client.
I've stopped trying to address this question with h because he denies it every time...I've even mentioned to him that the guilt will either become too much for him that at some point he'll either have to leave or tell me so why not tell me now...h still denies.
h claims that his being overly interested in sex when he came home should show me that he was out of the loop in that manner for some time.
h has already "broken my heart" with what he has done...do this would be little to add...all it would do if break him.
part of me believes it wasn't a pa...but part of me does..hell everyone else seems to think it was a pa...there are very few who believe it wasn't and those are only a few who know him well...ok and a few who just believe it is possible for it not to be.
was in an ea before I discovered it and then moved to pa? was it a pa after he left the house??
I don't have solid answers to these questions because they are h's to answer and his answer is always NO...ow says no too...I know they both know how to lie...so they are not a creditable source...who else knows?? probably no one.
will I ever know the truth?? maybe I already do. maybe I don't.
in the end does it matter?? that is up to h.
ow should not be a customer...we all know this...but again that it up to h.
he must find it within himself to drop her even if it hurts...even if it makes him look bad as a business man...it's up to h...I've made the demands..all I can do now is let h know that it bothers me...upsets me...and he will do what he chooses in that regard.
there are more important things to discuss than whether or not they got busy..or how far it went.
I will tell you ow at first would tell me "we are just friends" "h loves you LL" "h always talks about what a good w and mother you are" then it became " I know we are capable of being friends but that doesn't mean we are right for a r" then "we were just friends, not like we were saying ily" then it became "my h doesn't love me LL" then " we all just married the wrong people" then "don't you want to be happy, he doesn't want to be with you, do you still think he's comming home" then "I love your h and have for a long time" then "he couldn't stay away from me"
gee see the progressions of a waw in this woman or what??
it is possible that they just had an innapropriate friendship..he got caught...things shifted around here..I believe that for a short time he did stop talking to her..but I didn't let it go (I didn't have db didn't know) and then he went back to her and eventually left. even then she would say to me "no LL if it's physical you get a d" even after h came home her answer was..." I know you'll never believe us...but it wasn't...anyone can have a physical r"
is it possible that it wasnt a pa?? yes for him it's possible...for me...no fing way! but he is not me...his needs are not mine...
who knows??
but yes ow does have to go...maybe h just isn't strong enough to do that on his own...maybe he has to wait for her to sell the house and move away...maybe he just doesn't want to be the bad guy...maybe he just feels bad that she left her h to be with him but he thought more about it and decided to come home to his wife instead and left her in her own "hell". h's feelings for her when exposed gave her a reason to ask for d...she did...then h took away that reason...she's still moving on it and perhaps h feels bad for that...she would have left her h eventually...(in july her words were..."maybe some day I'll leave my h, but not now your h and I are just friends" to in late aug "yes I have asked my h for d and told him of feelings for your h...my h said nothing further proof that he doesn't love me" of course my response " well your h may not love you...but I know mine loves me"
