"hell when she had the nerve to say to me..."you must be a strong woman...it's hard enough to repair a m after an a but to know your h is in love with someone else"
frikken witch...
second thoughts on the sledge (well, not to her, but perhaps she has a nice car???...
kidding, kidding...
nice to see you feeling a little bit less mad, lostlove (maybe your H can just overbill her a few, hundred, dollars???)
"hell when she had the nerve to say to me..."you must be a strong woman...it's hard enough to repair a m after an a but to know your h is in love with someone else"
frikken witch...
second thoughts on the sledge (well, not to her, but perhaps she has a nice car???...
kidding, kidding...
nice to see you feeling a little bit less mad, lostlove (maybe your H can just overbill her a few, hundred, dollars???)
suburbia...mailbox baseball anyone???
how's about I just sneak out one night and re letter her mail box?? what interesting work can replace her last name???
I actually have pitty for the woman...isn't that sad...I go from wanting to swing her around by her hair..to wanting to send her a copy of dr so that she might not tear her family apart. but she has nothing to do with me and I have to keep reminding myself of that..it isn't my duty to fix other people or help them...I need to help myself for a while.
You know, I've begun to make this post once before (even fully wrote it) about a month ago, but did not... I would never write this, LL, unless I thought you could deal with it, so onward and upward...
Now, you know my sitch, but I'll give you a little reminder to set the stage. So, on December 28, 2002, I find out my W had an EA/PA that lasted approximately 9 months. The night before she told me it was an EA, but the nagging thoughts wouldn't leave me, so I asked...and I asked...and I asked...calmly, but confidently. Her responses were reluctant, so I knew something happened. Eventually, she caved. I had begun to DB in October 2002, and was making decent progress. But, it wasn't until the event of her telling me about her PA in December that there was a true shift in our R. I soon realized (a couple weeks later) that she was talking frequently with OM all through those months (up to 12/28/02), but not seeing him. Her last "visit" was in September 2002.
My point here, and I'm just throwing this out there, but do you think that your H had a PA and he just can't get past it? I have to assume he is still communicating with her, you know, because she is a client. It seems rather unavoidable. I think that my W could not come around to me fully until she admitted her PA...I just don't think it would have happened...or if it did it would have taken a LONG time. I just wonder if your H had a PA and simply can't admit it because he thinks it will break your heart. I'm wondering if he's holding back (or coming around ever so slowly) because this is what happened. Is he holding guilt and can't release it? If so, then I suspect he thinks he can't release this guilt to you, and he can't in C because then he'd be exposed. If this is the case, OW shares this secret and OW is his client.
Personally, from what I've read on your posts, and IMHO, I don't think he's "with" her, as he does seem far more present. However, your H should NOT be keeping OW as a client. Shame on him. Who gives a rat's @ss about a few dollars here and there, and whether he'd lose a couple other clients? I can only imagine your frustration...
Please don't be angry with me. I hope "speaking" my thoughts in this instance was not inappropriate. What say you? Actually, I can almost "hear" your response...
Quote: My point here, and I'm just throwing this out there, but do you think that your H had a PA and he just can't get past it? I have to assume he is still communicating with her, you know, because she is a client. It seems rather unavoidable. I think that my W could not come around to me fully until she admitted her PA...I just don't think it would have happened...or if it did it would have taken a LONG time. I just wonder if your H had a PA and simply can't admit it because he thinks it will break your heart. I'm wondering if he's holding back (or coming around ever so slowly) because this is what happened. Is he holding guilt and can't release it? If so, then I suspect he thinks he can't release this guilt to you, and he can't in C because then he'd be exposed. If this is the case, OW shares this secret and OW is his client.
I've stopped trying to address this question with h because he denies it every time...I've even mentioned to him that the guilt will either become too much for him that at some point he'll either have to leave or tell me so why not tell me now...h still denies.
h claims that his being overly interested in sex when he came home should show me that he was out of the loop in that manner for some time.
h has already "broken my heart" with what he has done...do this would be little to add...all it would do if break him.
part of me believes it wasn't a pa...but part of me does..hell everyone else seems to think it was a pa...there are very few who believe it wasn't and those are only a few who know him well...ok and a few who just believe it is possible for it not to be.
was in an ea before I discovered it and then moved to pa? was it a pa after he left the house??
I don't have solid answers to these questions because they are h's to answer and his answer is always NO...ow says no too...I know they both know how to lie...so they are not a creditable source...who else knows?? probably no one.
will I ever know the truth?? maybe I already do. maybe I don't.
in the end does it matter?? that is up to h.
ow should not be a customer...we all know this...but again that it up to h.
he must find it within himself to drop her even if it hurts...even if it makes him look bad as a business man...it's up to h...I've made the demands..all I can do now is let h know that it bothers me...upsets me...and he will do what he chooses in that regard.
there are more important things to discuss than whether or not they got busy..or how far it went.
I will tell you ow at first would tell me "we are just friends" "h loves you LL" "h always talks about what a good w and mother you are" then it became " I know we are capable of being friends but that doesn't mean we are right for a r" then "we were just friends, not like we were saying ily" then it became "my h doesn't love me LL" then " we all just married the wrong people" then "don't you want to be happy, he doesn't want to be with you, do you still think he's comming home" then "I love your h and have for a long time" then "he couldn't stay away from me"
gee see the progressions of a waw in this woman or what??
it is possible that they just had an innapropriate friendship..he got caught...things shifted around here..I believe that for a short time he did stop talking to her..but I didn't let it go (I didn't have db didn't know) and then he went back to her and eventually left. even then she would say to me "no LL if it's physical you get a d" even after h came home her answer was..." I know you'll never believe us...but it wasn't...anyone can have a physical r"
is it possible that it wasnt a pa?? yes for him it's possible...for me...no fing way! but he is not me...his needs are not mine...
who knows??
but yes ow does have to go...maybe h just isn't strong enough to do that on his own...maybe he has to wait for her to sell the house and move away...maybe he just doesn't want to be the bad guy...maybe he just feels bad that she left her h to be with him but he thought more about it and decided to come home to his wife instead and left her in her own "hell". h's feelings for her when exposed gave her a reason to ask for d...she did...then h took away that reason...she's still moving on it and perhaps h feels bad for that...she would have left her h eventually...(in july her words were..."maybe some day I'll leave my h, but not now your h and I are just friends" to in late aug "yes I have asked my h for d and told him of feelings for your h...my h said nothing further proof that he doesn't love me" of course my response " well your h may not love you...but I know mine loves me"
LL, Of course it was a PA, accept it and move on. He's home, enjoy every second of it, it will do you good. He knew her before he knew you! It's over between them, they don't want to end their friendship! Should they? YES! Can they? NO!
My brother's problem with W2 is she got jealous of W1, and they have been D'd 14 years! They had 4 children together, and 9 grandchildren, how can they not be friends? Does he still love her? DUH! Does he love W2? Even more! If W2 would just accept W1, they could could have a great relationship and a strong marriage! W2's fears chased herself away from a R she could be happy with! Maybe YOU are having MLC! It's all in DR, READ IT! How many times do I have to keep telling you that?
The pain was still there this morning. I cried as I was cleaning out her desk trying to get rid of everything that reminded me of her! It's worse than death! As bad as some sit's are on this BB, it helps keep my mind off her!
I wrote a poem for my daughter to let her know how I feel, but didn't send it! I'm still not trying to do too much harm, hoping for R, even though I know it's not coming!
She ripped my heart from my chest. She continues to stab it, kick it, stomp on it, and spit on it.
The blood has been drained from my veins, the thoughts from my mind, the feelings from my brain, the senses from my whole body, the soul from my spirt.
How come then, in such a lifeless, worthless, helpless body does the pain, hurt and love still linger?
Quote: Of course it was a PA, accept it and move on. He's home, enjoy every second of it, it will do you good. He knew her before he knew you! It's over between them, they don't want to end their friendship! Should they? YES! Can they? NO!
ok #1 he did not know her before he knew me... #2 I'd move on from it being a pa if it was told to me by h and not denied...h says no and I want to believe him but I don't want to believe a lie.
h did not even have his business when I met him....ow's house did not even exist when I met him..she did not live in the state when I met him...they met becuase her house was built and she needed a landscaper...called one in the neighborhood (my h) and that is how they met...he did not spend time with her til about 7 years ago and that time was spent only while he was working there (other then her holiday party that she'd invite the whole crew to) he had feelings for her when she made a call to other customers on the street when they were going to drop him as a result of billing conflict.
if she was someone who exhisted before we met??
she was married and had children or at least a child when he met her....he was with me when he met her...
I suppose none of it really matters...
somedays I believe h and other days I think he's lying through his teeth.
whatever will be will be...
Quote: they don't want to end their friendship! Should they? YES! Can they? NO!
YES tey can!!!! h ended his r with me when he decided to walk out the door...he can certainly end his r with her now and that includes the business part of it!!
She ripped my heart from my chest. She continues to stab it, kick it, stomp on it, and spit on it.
The blood has been drained from my veins, the thoughts from my mind, the feelings from my brain, the senses from my whole body, the soul from my spirt.
How come then, in such a lifeless, worthless, helpless body does the pain, hurt and love still linger?
