Not so sure anymore

[Dr LOve]

Sorry this got so long....

Histuff,

There is no such thing as too long. it takes what it takes.

Since you all know that I've been reading my husband posts I will respond with my side and opinions. It's funny that I have to go online and sneak a peek at his posts to find out what he is feeling and thinking. You'd think that if he wanted to make this marrige work he'd talk to me about what is on his mind instead of having to talk to "strangers" this way.
[/quote]



How hard have you tried to communicate? I don't know your sitch but if you wee unhappy did you tell him? Did you say that you were so unhappy that if WE did not get help you were going to have an affair?

Over the past 13 years this has always been a major issue during our disagreements. I say disagreements because we never actually fight. Some people say this is good, but sometimes you need to just do it, just fight. We don't "fight" per se so apparently everything is just ducky.

This is common. My W and I never "fight" I always backed down.
this can be a prioblem becase we lose respect for each other.

I know this is a source of support for him, it's made him feel better, given him some suggestions, etc. So I've resigned myself to just let it go.

This is 100% right.

It really doesn't matter where he gets the support i guess - i would just think that family would be better. JMHO

this is also right, tell me why did you go to the OG then?

As far as my reasoning for wanting to divorce

Ok then ask for and get a divorce. Why would you want to have an affair?
You are talking two diferant things here. Did you think that two marriges being being distroyed would bring you happiness? What about the OG wife? What about the kids? Being unhappy and wanting a divorce is one thing. but and affair is totaly diferant. Yes the OG was not the cause for your affair. That was a desision YOU made.
Get er done. Finish one job.(marrriage) BEFORE you start looking for your next.

- i've said it over and over again to my H that it has nothing to do with OG. The OG happened because I haven't been happy. I'm no longer seeing OG, last I talked to him (weeks ago) he and his W were going to counseling and working on their own marriage.

this is great at least the OG is trying now leave him alone.

HFF - you have agreed that you know that OG is not the reason i want a divorce. You have realized OG happened because I have not been happy. It cannot be blamed on that situation.

See above comments

I am a child of divorce

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this says it all. You know what can happen. Why not try to help your self, help your kids, help the situation.

You are not a bad person. you made some bad desisions. We all have felt the same way as you. We all have seeked understanding. Most of us here have done that here. Maybe if you had looked here first this would not have happened.
there are two seprate issues here. You being unhappy and YES the OG had nothing to do with that.
But
the affair he had 50% if that. I am sure he has a mouth am I right? Could he not have TALKED to you. Talked to your husband.
He COULD HAVE SAID NO. Just like i have in the past and I am sure your Husband also has had "Opertunitys" to cheat.as
For Your unhappyness no the OG had nothing to do with that. That was you. As for the AFFAIR The OG is NOT innocent.

Do you understand? Please respond to this post I would like to try to understand what you were thinking while persuing this OG. I am not saying your thinking was wrong. (the action was) but your thinking is just that. just like nobody can tell you how you feel only you know that.

Husband