You know, that was a new thing for him--or at least something I'm not used to getting. I was calm and normal with him about it...at least I felt like I was. I just let him talk and asked questions either to clarify or reflect what he said. Not sure if he was serious about it, but he did mention US going to dinner with them sometime and I did draw the line there.
He apologized for calling so late and 'getting me all riled up', but I'm seriously not fussy about it. Just trying to keep it real in my head. KWIM?
Your cool and collected response was awesome, and it is also great that you drew the line at "one big happy" friendship. My H has always kept in contact with his exes, and I have never understood that. It is like some people have a switch that gets flipped to "friend," and then they does not understand what all the fuss is about when people (like their spouses) complain.
some people have a switch that gets flipped to "friend," and then they does not understand what all the fuss is about when people (like their spouses) complain.
I don't get this either--it's a bit hard to swallow the "friend" thing when it was used as a cover-up for so long. I don't harbor vengeful feelings towards her (it was definitely a two-person affair), but neither do I have a desire to have anything to do with her. Maybe it's just a way for H to make it all pretty in his head.
Aud, that is crazy that your H wants to be "couple friends" with OW and her fiancee.
I think it's great that your have no ill will towards OW. I wish I could say the same, but I cannot. I've never met my H's OW (and hope I never do). All I know is how actively she continued to puruse him after he came back to me, often successfully luring him away. Yes, it takes two. But I saw her TMs... "can't stop thinking about you"... "are you wearing yoru special boxers?"... "I'm drinking bloody marys and thinking of you"..."I hope you decide to talk to me again" and more. So, I have not, nor do I think I ever will get to that point of forgiveness of OW.
Anyway, sorry for that rant. I do think it's great that your H is being open with you. I know I already siad that, but I just see that as such a significant step.
When is he coming home? My suggestion is to greet him lovingly. Don't ask too many questions about the trip.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
I ended up making the arrangements and flying to meet H on his trip over the weekend. He seemed genuinely happy to see me at the airport, and it's been very nice to spend time together, though I'm still a little baffled over the 'friendship' with OW and her new H--he went out to dinner with them again the night before I arrived. He says the H has been the one setting it all up. Wierd. I'm not sure if it's something to be concerned about or if it's one of the things I just don't understand about him.
Overall, things are really good. We're on the road tonight, will arrive home tomorrow. Two steps forward.
Hey, girl, I know how hard it is when they're gone. They can pretty much do what they want and we can do is pray that they have finally "seen the light" and will make the right choices now.
Not sure if I would be concerned about him being "friends" w/ OW & hubby or not either. I guess if he said it was awkward, he really did have dinner w/ both of them & not just her. In my sitch, OW is now married too. I don't even know if my H knows this yet. When he gets back, he will be in the same office w/ her again. I'm sure we will end up running into each other at some point at a work function or something.
I guess I'll just say we "understand each other" at this point -- you and I, I mean -- as we have a lot of the same things going on.
Just hang in there, it will get better and hopefully as time goes by, we will be able to trust & relax more.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I personally have learned from sad experience that the "couples friends" thing does not work. In both of W EA/PA it has been with couples we were friends with. How close do you think you could be with this other couple. Do you trust OW?
You are there and I am not, but I have learned a little bit over the years. Avoid temptation and the appearance of evil...?
Dude, I'm in complete agreement with you. I don't want to have anything to do with her, nor will I. I do not trust OW. Fortunately they live 900 miles away.
I don't think H will push it, and I hope that it will be a non-issue going forward.
