Ihave been spending to much time here...I read of all others problems and take bits an pieces into my head and it overwhelms me...
my h when he started to come home...I was compasionate and understanding and supportave and picked him up from the "hell" he was in...
I offered understanding and consolance for the pain he caused himself by the actions he chose..
I did not push him out the door, he chose to knock on another...he was in search of a feeling...a free "friendship" with no obligation...I'm sorry that I expected to have a friend in my home not just a bread winner...I'm sorry that my h chose to be a friend to someone elses w instead..I'm sorry that while I sat at home caring for a 2year old boy and a newborn my h chose to comfort another woman through the wow's of her life..I'm sorry that my h chose to be another womans friend instead of mine...I'm sorry that my h walked out the door when my dd was 3months old...I'm sorry that I expected my h to come home after work and help out with the kids...I'm sorry that I expected a partnership...I'm sorry that I gave all I could give to h and expected at least half in return.
I'm sorry that I am mad at ow..I'm sorry that she is so needy that she befriends other men...I'm sorry that she's sick...I'm sorry that she chooses to be selfish and lie..I'm sorry that she is leaving her h...I'm sorry that I want to punch her in the face...I'm sorry that she conspired with my h to lie to me..
I'm sorry that it took for h to leave to become a good daddy, one that plays and gives baths and will let mommy take a break now and then...
I do not hate h..I hate the choice he made..I hate that he doesn't see any wrong in ow or wont at least admit it to me..I'm sorry that part of h is still in love with ow and I'm sorry that it bothers me..
I'm sorry that last night I had such an anxiety attack that I had to call h because I couldn't drive all the way home...
I'm sorry that h chooses to keep ow as a customer and those on her street...
I'm sorry I let h marry me..
I'm sorry that I want to work on the m..
I'm sorry that I want more..
I'm sorry that I want to go to a c WITH h to work through these issues and he is reluctant..
I'm sorry that the only way through to h is through despair..
I'm sorry that I made the mistake of being a good w...
and I'm sorry for becoming resentful about it...
I'm sorry that I decided to stay home and care for my kids...
I'm sorry for being insecure...
I'm sorry for wanting my h to love me..
I wont be comming round much anymore....I need a break...my h is not a bad guy he just made a foolish mistake...I'm sorry that I would like for him to face that mistake and understand it...right now he doesn't...he simply thinks it was just there w ow and that was that...I've tried to understand his a...I've tried to see my part in it wich is very hard to do...I've tried to support his place in all this..he however has not tried to see mine...I am expected to let it all go...it's all in the past...his feelings for her are irrelivant...I'm sorry that I cannot do that...
I want to move past this with h not on my own...I want a little empathy from h and when I don't get it I am angry...
yes I know many here would love to have the opportunity that I have...but sadly many here have the opportunity that I would love...to actively work out the issues with their spouse..
h will not pick up a book... h will not go to c... h will not talk about r old or current h will not talk about a h will not drop ow or her street as customers h will not ask me to put my rings on
so beat me up if you will.... cast blame on me...
funny thing is....listening to all the waw's around here spew their stories...they had it better than me but I hung in there...I kept trying..I didn't give up...and I was left for another woman...can you not see why I'd be bitter?? I was a waw who was walked away from...
it was a long road to the damaged state....I saw it comming...I knew what was leading there...I tried to address it h avoided it just as he is avoiding now...
if you want to accuse me of pushing my h away...fine...I pushed my h away by loving him too much and expecting a little love in return...
btw...h has agreed to go to c with me...think that was only because of the fear he had while I was in the midst of an anxiety attack.
