Oooh, LostLove, you are one hurting chica, eh? gosh! You poor thing. I didn't even know! I'm not even sure what to say. I'd like to try and maybe defend your H as I'm supposed to be on the otherside. But our sitches are much much different even after you flip 'em over and look at them.
As far as your H defending the ow. Maybe he's doing that because his R with her is HIS responsibility. My H wants to write the ex-eom to tell him, like you said, that he's a bad person for "baiting" me. Truth is ex-eom didn't bait me. I am 100% responsible for opening that door, and thus 100% responsible for closing it. I'm not going to hate the guy. I'm mad at him for not exercizing enough self control to not have fallen for me. But, what kind of anger is that? It's my responsibility, and it will always be.
Your H obviously knows you're angry at him. How's he supposed to be an "open book" if he knows he's going to have to feel pain for doing what he did. He probably still feels pain (hurt, anger at you?) for having to look somewhere else to get his needs met. I know you don't want to hear that hon, it ain't right, but it's still something to think about. Of course he defends his OW. His OW loves him and only wants the best for him (guessing, I don't know). You, on the other hand are still begging and demanding he feel something other that what he feels.
Imagine H was just a friend of yours. You'd say things like, "oh, hon, I understand, I just hope for your sake and that you can find happiness and do the right thing."
The blame game would be over. Do you hear me LL???
Truly over.
How's H supposed to come back to you when you're still the same person who pushed him away?
I don't think I can count the number of times you started a line with "H" in this thread.
Your head is up his butt, and you can't see....
You have to "reel it in" and bring it home. Make a list of things you like that do not concern H and do them. Do them with vigilance. If it's going to movies, go to movies, if it's running up ridiculous phone bills, do it. Do it and smile, after all, he's doing what he wants, right?
You, my dear... need a huge, huge, hug. You need to cry for a week straight. You need to drink tea with women and take care of yourself. I know how you're hurting, only because I really want someone else to change, too ~ and unfortunately I have no control.
I am by no means a zealot, but I KNOW that *GOD* wants the very best for all of us. That's the only thing keeping me sane and somewhat fearless.
Do take care of yourself. Enlist all the homies you can find, okay? Wrap yourself in blankets of care. Cry your tears and look forward to the steely resolve about to come your way.
