h wants to forget his indiscretions and move on...
h wants to defend himself for his indiscretions and move on..
h wants to defend pitiful ow...
h is driving me insane and I foolishly allow it..
how many times can I warn h of the road we travel..
how many times can I let h know where I will head inside...
may take 10 years...may take 23 (sorry tony) but eventually unless h stops defending ow and stops hiding from me in regard to r talk then I will shut down and become a waw...
it is not something that is chosen...we've all read the books...it's about waiting and waiting and still not getting it...
I don't know when that door will close...I do not know when it will be...but I do know that if the r continues on the current path it is where we will end up.
it is not what I want..
but I cannot live life with a man who defends his ow, I cannot live life with a man who makes appologies but defends his actions...I cannot live life with a man who doesn't tell me he loves me...I cannot live life with a man who will hear my cry and know my pain and have nothing to say but "i gotta go" that everything else is more important than you and how you feel...my computer isn't working and that is more important than me discussing something with you..instead I will be angry and defensive toward you...make justifications for what it is that has caused you pain today...I will raise my voice to you...I will talk over you so that you have to raise your voice to be heard...and when you cry because you dont' know what else to do...I will say "I gotta go" when you continue to cry to me and plead for something...when you tell me where the road is leading you while I say I gotta go...I will scream out loud nothing more than a swear...I know I've caused you this pain but I've justified it in my mind...you read books and understand it too...but I will take no time to understand your pain or comfort you I will simply say to you I gotta go and then I will hang up the phone on you!!!
