I have not posted for a long time. Time to journal a bit and post an update.
We have moved back home from overseas for 5 months now. Things are going well, H is very dedicated to the family, doing lots of things with us, connecting with old friends, family. I was reading MLC board and realize that when one of the things MLCers do when they are on the way back is to connect with old friends. He is also trying to find opportunities to introduce me to his professional contacts, which is good. Now the connecting with the spouse will come at the very last. He is being nice to me. However, the contact with OW is still on (phone/email/txt though he said he shows indifference when he talks to her)
Here's the big news. We are moving again!!! Here's the details. One of the things that H promised me is to quit the old company so he won't ever have to travel there again. H has been looking for work which is not easy. He found a very promising position but it is far from home again. I feel very bad about this choice. Career wise it is a great opportunity, however, after coming home this time and seeing old friends/family, I really miss them and I want to stay. Plus, I have much more support here and I know I can go somewhere in my career (I did not work when we were overseas). I have also started school and quitting that would be tough. And then of course, there is the continual OW contact.
I told H that I will not move unless he can cut off all contact. He promised to do that. I told him I need proof. Well, he did nto give me any proof. He refused. He did tell me he stopped for 3 weeks. But afterwards I think he started again. I was very, very upset. We had a big argument and he said I can move whenever I am ready. He was VERY MAD. I didn't know what to do. H continues to be nice, and I can tell that the contact has decreased somemore. So he is progressing but not as fast as I want, and definitely not soon enough for me to move. Then (fortunately???) I found a thread in the MLC board. Basically these MLCers go back and forth and at piecing, I just need TONS of patience, PLUS MORE!!! In fact, i found one thread that said the OW contact continued for a while. After reading that, I realize I really need to give him time. I figure I have invested all these into this M, I will invest more. If it turns out it is not to be, of well, so be it. So I told H that I have decided to move. Now the mad rush is on to move in Jan.
H continues to be very nice. He is out of town now. He calls whenever he can. I have no idea if he contacts OW. He probably does. I have a bad feeling that OW may just show up at the company doorstep waiting for him. I did joking remind him that he does not want to ruin his reputation by having her show up. He laughed and said he is not THAT desirable for her to fly over to meet him.
So now H is gone, I am by myself with thekids. I have my ups and downs most days, but only show the good side to H. It actually is a good feeling once I made up my mind to go. Now regardless of what H is still doing (which can only be phone calls and emails), I will go. Of course, if she shows up and they start again, I would really hope that H will tell me. Right before he left, I asked him not to lie to me anymore. He promised, which is a difficult thing for him to say because he didn't want to promise what he cannot deliver. Of course, with a MLCer, that promise can be a big lie in itself. But I do think if he starts up with OW again, he will let me know. (I told him don't waste my time moving if he is starting with OW. and he agrees wholeheartedly)
I really don't know how long I can wait for him to cut off all contacts. On the one hand, to see that he is making progress all the time is good. On the other hand, I wonder if it is like a drug addict where one temptation and he will be back to square one. I am glad that I found the MLC board and read something there to fill up my patience tank.
Meanwhile, life is so busy here with school and childcare and organizing for moving. I hate to think that I will miss my friends/family again. Many friends say I am a saint (without knowing about the A) for just moving with him wherever. Ha ha, I have to agree on that one.
