Home now. Today feels so weird to me. So strange. It's such a mix of emotions.

I think I have been finally really letting go. And that's exactly what my Mom said she thinks. I talked to her for a good hour and a half this afternoon about appt with L and some of the sitch. I still have not revealed everything, but this is more than I've ever shared before... and I'd started to do this just before I took that trip a few weeks ago. I think that in and of itself was a sign that I was letting go. It's especially tough for me to share my sitch with my parents because they were not supportive of our R back when it started. (Yeah, not helpful.) My Dad doesn't get things straight, so very little is being shared with him still at this point. It just shows me where I'm at, since I could tell my Mom that much. Even though it was freeing and feels good, it was also not just an easy or completely comfortable conversation. Some things that came up were depressing, but I feel good about the way I handled them this time. It's been a bit rough lately, as my issues with my folks have come out more during all this. Today the L encouraged me to use the support that I have there, and I knew it was time to.

Okay... \:\) so, on a funny note... I was in the grocery store with my Mom tonight. While in line, I realized my wallet wasn't in my purse, I'd left it in my bag in the car. I had some cash but they usually card me, so she said she'd buy my alcohol for me. lol. Probably had to be there, it just seemed so funny to me. I really wanted my wine. It's the little luxuries that make all the difference right now.

I feel a little guilty for not getting back to H yet today. Not too much. I've just taken some mental health time for myself. I don't know how to tell him where I am at with this. I can't find the words.

Am I scared? Maybe. I don't really think I'm scared of saying no. I think I'm a little scared I won't put things as positively as I can, in order to open a door to negotiate. I tend to sound like the wet blanket. And that sabotages things.

I feel like it would be the polite and respectful thing to email or text him tonight. So, I want to come up with something for him.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.


Me: 37
M: 14 yrs
Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07
Life is good.