Help me thru this sitch

Funny, I just had someone in another thread tell me I was trying to put too positive of a spin on someone's situation. That seeing someone's W anger coming out was their own guilt and dealing with their own feelings...??? Is that not right? I am trying my hardest to see the negative things as more positive and trying to be more empathetic to their anger and feelings. Oh well, I guess everyone has their own opinions.

I'm glad I sound more positive though, because I really have not felt good about myself for years, and now I love me again.

I think a lot of people feel the same as you do - While losing one's spouse is a very difficult experience, it can also be liberating. I'm only now realizing that I feel much better about myself now I'm not living with W - Does that mean I don't ever want to live with W? Hell no, but I do really like my alone time now. The good thing is that after time alone, the time we spend together seems to be much more enjoyable for both of us.

You are so right Brit, I overthink everything and always have, but I am trying to stop thinking so much. It just hurts to not figure things out for me. part impatience/not wanting to deal with bad things/and overthinking

I'm guilty of overthinking. My C told me that I need to quit thinking so much, otherwise I'll get nothing done. Once you realize that no amount of logic will help you understand this situation.

Don't let anyone knock you for being positive! It's important to feel good about yourself ALL the time, but especially now.

[lizzy]

I say look at the positive side. There is enough negative stuff going on. If you don't build yourself up, who will?

Yeah I'm feeling better about me too. I didn't realize before all of this how much I lost of myself. It feels good to be my own person again. Yes, I want to be with my H, but I want to be my own person too. I think we all owe that to ourselves.

PM, don't take it as a kick in the teeth. What will that do to your braces? Remember your son is at age where he needs time with dad. Trust me, I work with kids his age. Be happy that H is spending time with him, and do something for you!

[JennyF]

I'm guilty of overthinking. My C told me that I need to quit thinking so much, otherwise I'll get nothing done. Once you realize that no amount of logic will help you understand this situation.

Oh how true! I wish I could shut my brain off! Staying busy is good (GAL!), but I think I need to learn to how to meditate too to escape my thoughts. Does anyone do this? Does it help?

Yeah I'm feeling better about me too. I didn't realize before all of this how much I lost of myself. It feels good to be my own person again. Yes, I want to be with my H, but I want to be my own person too. I think we all owe that to ourselves.

Without this as motivation, it would seem at times like I'm fighting a losing battle. Knowing I win either way helps during the discouraging times. This is my journey as much as it is his.

J~

[Pudmuddle]

I think a lot of people feel the same as you do - While losing one's spouse is a very difficult experience, it can also be liberating. I'm only now realizing that I feel much better about myself now I'm not living with W - Does that mean I don't ever want to live with W? Hell no, but I do really like my alone time now. The good thing is that after time alone, the time we spend together seems to be much more enjoyable for both of us.

Yes, I've noticed it has been fun to NOT have to ask someone's opinion on simple everyday things. I also realized last night how WONDERFUL it was to be able to stretch all the way across my Cal King size bed!!! and have no one moving the covers, jarring the bed, or snoring. LOL

That's why I like talking to you Brit, I enjoy being around people who have a positive spin! It helps me realize I can be more positive too, especially hanging out with optimistic peeps.

[Pudmuddle]

If you don't build yourself up, who will?

That's kind of what I thought too! Who else will build me up and be positive around me but me!

PM, don't take it as a kick in the teeth. What will that do to your braces?

Point well taken, wouldn't want to ruin those pretty teeth I am getting!

You're right, it is important for him to be with Dad right now. And I am glad he is doing things with him, just seems like he is going into overkill to compensate...His phone messages to my son are very smarmy, lol, makes me barf ;). But I would rather have that than a dad who didn't care. Another point well made.

Glad you are feeling good about you too Lizzy. Keep it going.

[Pudmuddle]

Hiya Jenny,

Good to hear from you.

Oh how true! I wish I could shut my brain off! Staying busy is good (GAL!), but I think I need to learn to how to meditate too to escape my thoughts. Does anyone do this? Does it help?

I know about the brain, make it stop! I HAD been staying busy but kind of slacked off on that. I hadn't gone for my walks all week, kind of stopped eating and then of course the not sleeping started in because of that...so I need to start the walking again tonight. I will. I would like to start yoga, as I have heard that not only tones you but helps with meditation. I think that is an excellent idea Jenny, clears your mind and such.

I do know that I kind of meditate/pray in the morning to myself about how positive the day is going to go, and think how I am going to positively interact with my H. That does help change my moods a lot, its kind of like a subsconscious reminder that pops out when I need it.

You're right that is the motivation that keeps us going every day every hour. I just need people like you to remind me! Thanks Jenny.

[bhopeful]

Hi PM,
I just started a yoga class last week. I've only been twice, but I can tell you that it has made a difference for me. I end up with a PMA high for the rest of the day and last time it was even into the next. I too have a hard time stopping my brain, but yoga seems to have given me some tools to slow it down. I would definitely recommend starting a class.
Peace, B

[Pudmuddle]

I think that is a most excellent idea bhopeful. I am going to call on a class today as soon as I get out of my phone meeting.
(Yes, I am typing here while listening on the phone, so not REALLY working

I could use some HIGHS right now!

Oh how true! I wish I could shut my brain off! Staying busy is good (GAL!), but I think I need to learn to how to meditate too to escape my thoughts. Does anyone do this? Does it help?

Have you tried Yoga? I know lots of people that say its great to manage stress and anxiety.

Yes, I've noticed it has been fun to NOT have to ask someone's opinion on simple everyday things. I also realized last night how WONDERFUL it was to be able to stretch all the way across my Cal King size bed!!! and have no one moving the covers, jarring the bed, or snoring. LOL

I woke up this morning diagonally across the bed - It was awesome D and I hung out in bed for a while, so I at least had something to cuddle with.

That's why I like talking to you Brit, I enjoy being around people who have a positive spin! It helps me realize I can be more positive too, especially hanging out with optimistic peeps.

Absolutely - There's no reason to be negative all the time. It's important to retain a healthy perspective and still be grounded in reality, but it doesn't mean you have to wallow in self pity all day long.