When I'm feeling blue, all I have to do Is take a look at you, then I'm not so blue When you're close to me, I can feel your heart beat I can hear you breathing near my ear Wouldn't you agree, baby you and me got a groovy kind of love
Anytime you want to you can turn me onto Anything you want to, anytime at all When I kiss your lips, ooh I start to shiver Can't control the quivering inside Wouldn't you agree, baby you and me got a groovy kind of love, oh
When I'm feeling blue, all I have to do Is take a look at you, then I'm not so blue When I'm in your arms, nothing seems to matter My whole world could shatter, I don't care Wouldn't you agree, baby you and me got a groovy kind of love We got a groovy kind of love We got a groovy kind of love, oh We got a groovy kind of love
my choice for a dance at our wedding.
last night as I layed on the couch in h's arms...I said to him..."I could live in your arms"
h replied..well I think that's a good thing.
I had let him know a while ago that the saftey I once felt in his arms was gone...I think he was saddend by that just as much as I was...so I think saying what I did last night was a good thing even if it made me cry.
h's choice for a dance at our wedding.
Ooh, you make me live Whatever this world can give to me It's you, you're all I see Ooh, you make me live now honey Ooh, you make me live
Oh, you're the best friend That I ever had I've been with you such a long time You're my sunshine And I want you to know That my feelings are true I really love you (ooh) oh, you're my best friend
Ooh, you make me live
Ooh, I've been wandering round But I still come back to you (still come back to you) In rain or shine You've stood by me girl I'm happy at home (happy at home) You're my best friend
Ooh, you make me live Whenever this world is cruel to me I got you, to help me forgive - oo oo ooh Ooh, you make me live now honey Ooh, you make me live
Oh, you're the first one When things turn out bad You know I'll never be lonely You're my only one And I love the thing I really love the things that you do Oh, you're my best friend
Oh, ooh, you make me live
I'm happy (happy at home) You're my best friend Oh, oh, you're my best friend Ooh, you make me live Oo oo ooh You, you're my best friend
so being the nice w that I am and also having learned that h likes it when I offer...I will be folding, stuffing and sealing and stamping the season proposals for h's customers this year...
of course I did not just sit down and start folding...of course I looked through the pile of alphabetically organized stack of season proposals to see if there was one there for ow...upon seeing that there is not one there for ow I scanned the addresses to see if the others on the street are there...
they are...h is keeping the street....
does this mean to that h is keeping ow as a customer but was simply thoughtful (or thoughtless) enough to take her proposal out so that I would not see it?? fold it and send it along on his own or did he stop having her as a customer??
I am not happy to see that h will still be working on her little culdisac...
I don't know what to do??
the season is about to begin for him...
he will be stressed by it...
I am stressed by it...
do I bother to ask if she's still a customer??
do I bother to note that I see the others still are??
do I simply wait and see as I continue to fold and stuff for him over the season (if he lets me) and find that one day out of forgetfullness he leaves her bill in with the rest??
I am at a loss...
if I had a key to the office I'd sneak down there at night and use his computer to see if he plans to keep her on but hide it from me...
a distance has started to grow again...
I don't know if that distance is a by product of my being busy with doing my own thing this week or of h's just being under pressure with the start up of the season...the termination of the "business" r with ow...or the continuation of the "business" r with ow and his hiding it...
Quote: you moving out may only make your home open to om and I don't think you want that.
LL,
At this point, I almost don't care, it's like having a whore for a wife!
Now, back to you!
Quote: a distance has started to grow again...
LL, I think it is YOU distancing. FORGET about the OW. I'm sure your business needs all the customers it can handle, even if they are on the same street! If you ask him if she is still a customer, and she is, he will lie. Not because he is still seeing her, but because he doesn't want to hurt you.
Look, he's home! He doesn't go to his apartment, he doesn't appear to be seeing OW, he threw his 2nd cell phone phone away, you're snuggling, hugging, and going out. Do you know how many people on this BB would kill to be where you are right now?
Sure, you have the right to be suspicious. Do not ask about OW! (DR) Work on yourself, SHOW him you love him. Make him want you!
Have you asked him to give up his apartment to further reassure you? Also read page 212 "Be Patient"
When I had my A, I was always in close proximity of OW after W and I got back together, but only a friendly hello, and absolutlely no desire to be with her, because W was taking GREAT care of me at home! OW even called W and told her to leave town, because I was in love with her! W asked me if she should leave, and I assured her NO! Of course W and you never forgave me for 23 years, until she finially decided to dump me!
You are always telling me to look at your sit and compare it to mine. You were once where I am right now, and you keep encouraging me to hang in there! I'm not so sure I want to be where you are right now! Read, read, read, DR, page 217, and 218 "Back In My Heart Again" Your emotions are normal. I would gladly trade places with you! Wait, that doesn't sound too good, I sound like a gay guy! I mean having my W back in my heart, or me back in her heart!
Quote: Look, he's home! He doesn't go to his apartment, he doesn't appear to be seeing OW,
the fact that he is home offers me little consolation...he was after all home everynight whilts having his little fling with this ow...so he doesn't stay at his appartment...if he got rid of it would that be enough???
NOPE....
his entire r with ow was all during the day...during the day...during the day...while I was home lonely pregnant with dd entertaining son...I thought my h was out working hard for our family but he was managing to find the time 3 days a week to stop by this bithces house...he was still at home after I found out about her too...claimed to have ended the "friendship" we were going out once a week then (we are not doing that now) we were spending time together...yada yada yada...he was still talking to her daily and seeing her 3x a week.
he CAN afford to drop these 5 customers....he has more people wanting him to work for him than he knows what to do with...he even contracts out work because he gets so much of it...
he did have the nice thought of contracting out the lawn cutting for the street but that also is of little consolation to me cause you see...h doesn't cut the lawns his employees do...he does the extra stuff...the ferterlizing...opening of sprinkler systems, repair work, etc etc etc...and those things will still be needed at those homes....
h has dropped customers before for various reasons...I think this reason is a far better justifyable one than any other one he's come up with for letting a customer go.
I wont mention it to him...the fact that he removed her statment from the pile doesn't do much other than tell me she's still a customer...if she wasn't he would have told me so already.
the cuddling...well now I have to ask...h has stopped in the past week...the initiation of anything physical....I have initiated...
yes h still calls everyday from work...but then he always did do that so that also is of little consolation to me.
yes h participates with the kids more but that is not for me and is irrelevant because he should have been doing that all along.
I don't know what h can do to show me...I don't know...
today I would like to have mil come and stay with the kids while I go crusing the area he works in to see what he's up to...but I fear doing that because if I see something I don't want to see...his bags will be packed and that will be the end.
Quote: (DR) Work on yourself, SHOW him you love him. Make him want you!
I have never let myself go physically... even at the tail end of each pregnancy I still did my hair every day..put on make up...kept the house neat and clean...did the laundry...cooked the meals...even entertained his family the day before I was due to give birth to child #2 sure they brought the food but it was my home that people were in...I had to chase after son while they did whatever they wanted causing a disruption in my peace..and then I had to clean up after them...
h has never had to search for clean sox or underwear the most he had to do was put his stuff away...(I didn't want to invade like his mother so I left his drawers as his to go into)
I always asked h if he wanted me to cook something different..
I always asked h if he was happy...
I always tried to give h whatever he wanted...
I left notes on the mirror
I bought little gifts whenever I saw them...
I asked for sex often...(and was denied)
I asked to spend time together alone...
I asked to spend time as a family....
before son was born I worked full time and gave him my check...
I always asked before I spent more than 50$ on something even when I myself was working...
before son was born I physically labored for h at times when he didn't have the employees he does now...
I shoveled snow when I used to ride plowing with him.
I entered bills for him...
even after son was born I still made the time to enter his bills for him and then fold and stuff and mail them for him...
every time I go to the store I ask if he needs anything and if he doesn't I still manage to find a "prize" for him...
I was showing h in every friggen way possible that I love him...
it's his turn now...
I'm tired and I don't even want to think about it anymore!!
he came home??? should I throw a parade?? no the guy walked out on his wife...3 year old son and 6 month old daughter and asked for a divorce...because he was in love with some woman who was already married...that he had made the mistake of spending to much time with...
he left his wife and BABIES!!!
and just because he came home to do the right thing...just because he once lives in the home with his family...just because...he now pays attention to his children...just because now he will let an attractive woman (me) cuddle up on the couch with him...just because he does the things that a man should do I should celebrate???
"love is always having to say your sorry"
not "i said sorry already"
h knows the things I want and need to feel good in this r...h just isn't inclined to give them on a regular basis...h seems to need to be poked in the a$$ every so often to be reminded of the fact that I too can leave...
LL - I was reading through your thread a little bit and I just sensed anger and resentment towards H. You listed all the things that you did to show H that you loved him - are you trying to love him the way you want to be loved or are you trying to love him the way he needs to be loved? Are you willing to let go of your anger and resentment and find out what you can do to make H more comfortable expressing himself the way you want him to? Does he even know how you want to be loved - maybe he's trying to love you the way he wants to be loevd? Just curious.
