What a good year this has been.....

[forever21]

Okay, I'm back. My appointment went really well. I really liked the attorney I met with. I left feeling good. He spent well over an hour with me. It felt so good to tell my story in person and feel supported by this professional. He didn't seem to try to paint a rosy picture, and nothing was surprising to me, and I just feel ready to move forward.

Ian......

Hi J, community property states are interesting by the way. If you were to file for D, he then would be unable to make the home purchase at all as it binds you to not add to the financial debts of the marriage from the date of filing until the D is final.

Well, I know friends who have done this through the use of quit claims. With our financial situation though, I don't think this would be a likely option for my H to do.

The L said "this is wrong"... the whole situation I am in. It is, I see that. I think I will probably retain him as my attorney and file for the big D. He has a great reputation, and I like him. Before today I'd read about all the awards and such that he's earned over the years, right up through this year... and he's been in practice for over 20 years. He could see that I can't really "afford" his services, but I can't afford not to have them. He sold me. I think he's a straight shooter. He didn't think my case would be settled with only the retainer, as that only covers about 10 hours but I know my family will have my back if I need. He also told me he'd be willing to let me pay by the hour if I wanted to, since I already got H to agree to mediation. I need help processing all this. He made it sound so easy when he shared with me what he'd do if he was me... but I don't feel like I grasped it. With my mental state, I may have to just let him handle it for me. Gonna let this process for a bit first.

As far as the quit claim goes, since that's what I went there for.... he thinks it's too risky. Towards the beginning of the appointment though, he wasn't saying that at all. The words coming out of his mouth were what I feared. He was saying he didn't see any reason why it'd be a problem. That isn't what my gut tells me, so this wasn't reassuring... but I stuck with him and he with me. And what he was saying made sense, but once he got more of the story and the full picture of our situation he started brainstorming more. He was giving my H the benefit of the doubt to begin with, but then realized the situation called for him to look at worst case scenarios. How I might get screwed over if I were to sign that.

Interesting, because where he was going with things is exactly what I got to thinking just last night. My brain had kicked into high gear and I'd read some stuff about D, and then bankruptcy. This is what the L thought was a possibility. H could get into this house and then just stop paying all the other bills including our mortgages. Some remarks from H, in addition to his actions, have made me aware that he could totally do this. I mean, he's been doing it to some extent already. If he decided to file for bankruptcy though, I'd be in a bad position. Likely forced to do the same. There's more of course but that's the gist of that.

Now I need help with taking the next step here with H. What I understood from my L's advice is to prepare something and do the mediation with H. Let him know that I have come up with what I think is a viable approach (after I've prepared, made a list of all our financial obligations, etc.), and that I'd like to present it to him. Tell him that we need to have something in place for our household before he purchases a separate property. Otherwise it seems too risky to me. I still may be able to use this to my advantage, but the bottom line is still that it could very well simply be... too risky.

Okay, more later. I have to go pick my Mom up.

I'm going to be just fine. I can see that.