The whole "he saw bruises on her" bit.. There are many, many men who have had affairs, as a result of getting involved with someone to "rescue" them.
Yup, I know this. He has a habit of this. He knows it, too. Just is ignoring it at the moment, for whatever reason.
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It is not his job to comfort her, or console her about that. SHe needs to be talking to a GIRLfriend, or a counsellor, if she has problems, not an escape boyfriend. That is clearly who he is to her.
Yup, I totally agree. I saw this months ago. I've even told him those exact things. I'm trying not to be too overbearing with it...can't beat it into him, and all. And, of course, it's not my problem to resolve. I'm trying to just nudge him, point out things when he asks, but leave it up to him. The whole I can't make him see thing.
On the weird/plus side of it all...I know pretty much everything that's going on with her. I know she finally has her visa, so she's now legal. That she has applied for her work visa, and is going to apply for residency now. Supposedly, she is leaving her husband once she has a job. (Hence the need for paperwork first.) I suspect, on his part, that he's also pushing her to leave to validate that he made the right choice in getting D. He keeps saying things like "She has to see it; I made it through." This is something that he's never done before...given me so much detail about whomever he was sidetracked by.
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He's just not being honest about it, either to you or himself.
My guess is, to himself. I'm not sure what to say yet without coming across as pushy or demanding. I'd like to get in some more good QT and build in some more good memories before I try another push. I'm thinking, maybe after Thanksgiving. I'm not sure. I have to gauge how open he is to the conversation. It may be awhile. I'm not sure when, but I don't think the time is right at the moment. Too much going on with his mother coming into town tonight. Just going to follow my gut on this one.
I do think it will fall apart, if she ever actually leaves her husband. Their whole R is based on her whining to him about her crappy husband. I never hear him say anything else about her. Once that thread is broken...I bet she will lose interest in him. Isn't that how exit affairs work, anyway?
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Possibly at some point, say to him, that if he truely cares about HER wellbeing... then it's fairly clear that she has a problem with getting too involved with MEN, than is healthy for her.
That's an interesting spin...hadn't thought of that.
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positive: when it comes to just you and him... sounds like you have found a really good balance, that "works".
Yes, I think so, too. Moreso than any other time in our R. I cannot believe how awesome our communication is now...better than I had ever imagined. Time...
