What if I keep my letter as is, but add this at the end...
J, I’ve read and re-read your e-mail regarding your “conditions”. I guess I keep reading it in the hopes that I’ll find a shred of emotion in it. It says nothing about where your heart is in the situation. It’s strictly business.
I’m sorry you made Tennessee a “condition” for reconciling our marriage. A non-negotiable condition as well. I don’t think anything in marriage should be non-negotiable. Tennessee was one of the things I would have negotiated on too. Our marriage coming first, before talks of moving, then getting our ducks in a row academically and financially before moving.
The thing is, if we had a marriage centered on God, with mutual love and respect, I’d follow you to Timbuktu. However, you’re asking me to make a decision based on the marriage that we currently have. I would love to take the time to grow in our marriage, and learn to make Christ the center. To pray together, laugh together, and mutually love and respect each other…only then can I make a decision to move.
I know that you provide for me and the kids, you always have, but I need to be loved in a certain way. I need to know that I’m safe with you and that your love for me is unconditional. The same way I need to show you that my respect for you is unconditional. We need a safe haven where we can both share our views and listen to each other, regardless of the topic (Tennessee, public school, career choices, etc…). We can mutually negotiate through anything.
Other changes I’d want to see:
Admiting when we’re selfish (yes, that’s me.) Active and satisfying sex life A Bible study between the two of us. (there’s lots of marriage-builder studies that we can do). Pray together
Again, I’m sorry that you made Tennessee a condition for reconciliation. But I can’t commit to this before we commit to us.
I think the active sex life would be enough for me h to come running home.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
