an xh, his FF, Thanksgiving, MIL, and one psuedo-R

[Dom R]

Wow... really nice stuff I'm glad.

but also some major red flags.

The whole "he saw bruises on her" bit..
There are many, many men who have had affairs, as a result of getting involved with someone to "rescue" them.

he's going to have to let go.
he's going to have to admit that she is not his responsability.. that she is an ADULT, who makes her OWN DECISIONS, and she CHOSES to continue to be with her husband.
It is not his job to comfort her, or console her about that. SHe needs to be talking to a GIRLfriend, or a counsellor, if she has problems, not an escape boyfriend. That is clearly who he is to her.


As far as "Him not knowing"... i cant believe you're falling for that trash again.
He KNOWS he is too involved with her. He told her HE LOVES HER, didnt he???

he knows. He's just not being honest about it, either to you or himself.
He's possibly guilted into maintaing an intimate relationship with her. Silly stuff like "he's all she's got" or something, blah blah blah.

He's got to drop responsability for her, or it will mess the two of you up.

Possibly at some point, say to him, that if he truely cares about HER wellbeing... then it's fairly clear that she has a problem with getting too involved with MEN, than is healthy for her.
So, her being deeply involved with HIM, is not healthy for her.
If he really cared about her for her own sake, then he should encourage her to see a female counsellor, and detach himself from her.


positive: when it comes to just you and him... sounds like you have found a really good balance, that "works". i'd say keep at it, patiently, just like you are doing. I'm jealous