Quote: I guess this depends on whether h comes to an understanding of why he sought out the affair in the first place. This question needs to be dealt with, and individual counseling for your H might be a good idea, but only if you can find a pro-marriage counselor.
h doesn't have any understanding as to why he sought out the affair other than...it had been there (she is a customer and has been for years...apparently he had "feelings" for her before we married) he went to her because "it" was there "it" defined by him is happiness.
he does not want to talk about the whats and whys...he does not want to talk about what needs where met with the affair...hell it took him long enough to even admit it as an affair....will it take that long for him to say...yes we were physical?? I knew from the day I got the call from him that he had given her a ride to an appointment that there was more to it than he wanted to say...I knew maybe before he did that he was "in-love" with this woman...
"it" isn't here....at least I don't feel like it is...maybe for him it is but I don't think so...so if "it" is what he's looking for...and he doesn't realize that "it" doesn't last...then I am doomed til he gets caught.
during our separation h did attend councelling himself...I was a bad dbr and called the insurance co and found out who...was sneaky and called her pretending to be a prospective client...found her stance on marriage...she is very pro marriage.
h stopped seeing her as soon as he decided to let me know he was confused and may like to try to come home.
h only became open to talking to my c (and only on his own) only when I called a lawyer to file myself. he had one appointment and said he'd make another...that he wanted to talk to him alone a few times and then we'd see about going together...that hasn't happend...and I've been putting off making an appointment of my own so that h could use the time.
when I try to talk about things with h...h accuses me of wanting to analyze everything...of wanting to be in his head...of being to phychological...
I just don't know how I can get past all this crapola with no closure...hell I am still under the impression that h is in-love with ow and has sacrificed himself for his family...is that what I want???
I just wish h were more open...I just wish h would realize that the day to day..one day at a time is great but there is work to be done.
no matter how many analogies I give him he doesn't get it..
he thinks I am analyzing or being physcological?? because I want to understand the dynamics of the r we have??
why is he not analyzing when he bothers to do research or take a course to understand why some grass is blue and other green, or why certain insects to this to the lawn..or why some fertilizer is good and too much is bad??
to gain an understanding of how the temperature and moisture levels a different times effect the weather is not analyzing..
it's ok for him to do those things...infact neccesary??
and yet he wont put half as much time or effort into gaining some insight or understanding of the workings of his marriage???
it's like h will throw a crumb and promise more but doesn't follow through...
when he first started to come around..he read the infidelity section of dr...and started to read the whole book..but put it down and hasn't picked it up since...
h takes one c session and promises more but doesn't follow through...
my head is swelling...I can't hold all this in...and I don't believe I should have to...why just because h had the ignorance to have an a and then leave...does he get to be protected by my silence??? am I protecting myself with my silence?? will h leave if he knows the truth of how I feel?? will I care or will I rejoice at the freedom from the tourment in my mind?? or will h again give just enough to keep me hanging.
